my thoughts and wonders.

i want somebody to kill me;
will you?

mytsandws. ♥

Create your badge

sharifah raihanah
sherryfah. (sha. shar. shai. nana.)
foreign bodies. ex-asc. fcps. rss. nyp/sbm - media studies & management. cotton on. cancer. hates her own kind, including you.

sharaihanah@hotmail.com

Free MusicFamily Tree

here right now

mytsandws - my thoughts and wonders (:
i believe in spreading the ♥. (:
oh, and i love .

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

July 2006
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
November 2011

Designer: lublub lovable
Basecodes: Kary-yan/Missyan.
Hosts: x o x>

Thursday, April 30, 2009

"i love my friends "

i love all my friends.

you should too. :)

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY NURUL INSYIRAH! I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY!

i thought and wondered at 8:33 PM

"my darlings "

reen. dee. mary. mairah. shar.

i love you girls so.

Labels: photos

i thought and wondered at 2:23 PM

"woohoo! "

omg!

this is the first time i'm using the school's wireless!!

WOOHOO!

(seriously, that calls for a celebration.)

hahaha! okay, kudos to that technical guy at the helpdesk man. he was so much more reliable and quick than the guy who attended to doreen the other day. LOL.

anyway, today lessons were rather brief. ms ang cancelled the lab session after school and that's why i'm here, sitting at macs with doreen, rachel (tan) and mary. :D

and now i realise that it's a bad thing for all of us to have laptops. for instance, we're not even talking to each other right now. they're facebooking and i'm blogging. (the reason why i don't facebook is cause i don't know how to. lol. and besides, i'm not a fan of social websites.. at least not anymore. haha.) there's no human interaction between any of us when we open our laptops' screens and.. you know the rest. so yeah. i think it's a bad thing.

i love love love nyp.

wooohooo for wireless!

good day!

p/s: and people, please please do ignore the previous posts. i'm okay now. really.

i thought and wondered at 2:23 PM

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

"marina pier! "

oh and before i forget, i went to marina south pier just now.

had a nice time there.

took some pictures.

of boats/ships/aeroplanes/jetplanes.

and a wedding couple.

haha.

it definitely made me think.

made me cry, even.

it made me lose myself in my own thoughts, while i was tucked away in a corner all by myself.

fortunately though - the salty scent of the sea cleansed my soul and brought about my inner-peace.

i'd like to thank all my friends for being there and for understanding.

i love you girls. :)

i'll upload the pictures some other day.

i had to reboot macsharee and my canon software hasn't been re-installed yet.

so i'll probably upload my pictures another day. hee.

i'll give you all the space you need.

but i'll always be here.

always.

i thought and wondered at 11:57 PM

"things aren't as bad as they seem. "

things aren't bad as they seem.

i just realised that.

i can get pretty psychotic at times. consuming pills, cutting my wrists, banging my head against the wall continuously (it still hurts right now), but at the end of the day, i'm still me.

as long as i stay genuine and true to myself, i'll get through it.

i don't have to define myself as being an emo-shit bitchfuck (yet), but neither do i have to declare myself one of the strongest emotionally amongst my friends - obviously those who've known me longer would agree that this statement is probably the most impossible statement in the whole universe.

BUT.

i'm still young, and i don't want myself to be judged in any way.

at least not for now.

back to the story:

had a long talk with baby just now. everything's okay now. everything's okay.. nothing is ever perfect, and i'm aware of the fact that i can't achieve perfection, but everything's okay. and i'm cool with that.

i love you, muhammad saiful bin saimen. :)

i wonder if this throbbing headache will go away..

i thought and wondered at 11:27 PM

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

"3-in-1 "

you know when shits happen to you continuously and randomly without giving you a chance? like, you have your important maths exam but you get a stomach ache early in the morning - throwing you off your scheduling, and when you're finished with the shitting, you can't find your house keys, and when you finally find them and get out of the house you realise you didn't bring your ez-link card, and when you finally are on the bus/train to school, you gasp after rummaging through your bag and find that you didn't bring your calculator?

yeah.

i'm experiencing those kind of shits right now. but unlike those simple shitty moments that make you go, "oh shit, i should have prepared!", i'm having those shits that scream: THIS IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR.

-edited-

so i hope you understand from my point of view, that i was pretty upset. and i believe that it's pretty reasonable. and maybe i went overboard with my vulgarities, but i swear a lot. so i'm sorry for that. yeah.

abang's angry at me too now.

and so are you.

and everybody else it seems.

hidayah says i'll get through this.

i don't think i can.

will we really get through this together?

i thought and wondered at 10:54 PM

"i can't lie. it hurts a lot. "

too much differences.

are the feelings still there?

darlings, i'm experiencing heartbreak at the moment. be there for me okay?

cause i can't go through it alone.

i really can't.

i thought and wondered at 10:37 PM

"cpr? "

i almost had a heart attack yesterday.

yes people, if you make a drastic change from using windows to apple, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASEEE do not attempt to make any changes to your apple in your macam-faham manner. because i'm seriously freaked out now. hahaa.

at least i got my macsharee back.

safe and sound in my arms. :D

well anyway, macsharee almost crashed yesterday. ALMOST. i tried downloading windows xp but to no avail. tsk. and it's all thanks to that evil bitch. *glares*

i seriously don't believe she tried to like, destroy my one-week old macbook man! what the fuck seh, seriously.

anyway..

i'm all alone by myself at the library now.

and there's this guy beside me who's listening to an 'audition' song on his mp3.

and it's so fucking loud!

*rolls eyes*

and before anyone of you start thinking that i play audition, i don't. my step-brother is OBSESSED with that game. so i've heard it quite a few times. heh. it's that mozart song. or something like that. hahaha.

i thought i would be able to set up my windows now, but apparently, i need to be connected to the internet FIRST. so i'll probably go home to set it up.

heh.

so i wasted my time coming here.

heh. okay, was bloghopping and i found something out.

so if you hate emo-shit stuff, the next paragraph is just not for you.

really.

sometimes i wonder if i'm really such a bad girlfriend, and sometimes i know i'm not. so maybe i HAVE made mistakes in the past, but it really hurts to know that you claim to have forgotten all those mistakes i've made, when you're still dwelling on it. it hurts to know that everybody else knows you except me. as and i sit here, alone in the library, wondering if you ever meant to tell me about it, i also wonder why i'm crying. if it's due to anger, or sadness? or just a mixture of both? i don't know if i'm overreacting, but what i do know is that you know i hate liars. why must you make me hate you? why? right now, i really just don't want to see you at all. if you're finally reading this, i don't want you to go: 'why the fuck is she like this? why can't i have a blog?!'. because you know the reason why i'm fucking angry with you right now is not because you co-own a blog, but because you didn't even tell me, even when i asked. i'm disappointed. so disappointed.

you make me wonder why i'm trying so hard.

i just need my pills right now.

i'm off to walk home alone.

during maghrib.

haha. baik sharifah. baik. :(

p/s: and you. i know it doesn't concern me anymore. thought you changed, but you're still really quite the liar.

i thought and wondered at 6:27 PM

Sunday, April 26, 2009

"everybody's fool "

carrera 4s - porsche

my stepmom sent me home from work just now.

the result? i reached home within 15 minutes. compared to the 45-60 minutes i have to endure when i travel back home by myself. gah. (she likes to speed. =/)

i want a convertible when i grow up. preferrably a bmw. but it wouldn't hurt to be seen driving a porsche. hee! of course, it'll be bloody baby pink - so you can recognise me from afar. nyehaha.

i should take over my dad's businesses so i can get rich and famous and get myself a porsche! and a lamborghini! and a ferrari! WHOOO!

dream on shareefah. dream on.

i could settle for a bmw. hee.

or rather, i won't settle for anything LESS than a bmw. - a pink one. hahahaa.

okay. first i need to get myself a decent well-paying job, at least 3 ladies' cards, and my own apartment. :D

ouh gosh. it's true. poly education is turning me to a bimbo. speaking of which, i need $1200 to go shopping at esprit to continue my membership. anybody willing to spare some money..? :( gah. after i lost my wallet and every other card that was in it, (duh), i've been left with no card except my favouritest of them all - my esprit card. (you see, it was with baby. heee!)

and i really really want to keep my membership with them!

dad just bought me this macbook, and i certainly don't think he'd be willing to spend 1.2k on me. on clothes. gahhhh. :(

i should sell this macbook and go on a shopping spree.

yes, i've thought of that before.

but i've bonded so much with macsharee!

how can i let it go?!

so i need a sponsor for my $1.2k shopping spree at esprit.

come on man. just do it. i'm so freaking worth it.

ahahaa! T_T

off to do my assignments then.

tralala.

ouh by the way, nobody i know came to my counter. :(

i thought and wondered at 6:57 PM

"shitfuck "

i'm dreading work like crazy. and i'm even contemplating not going.

for example, it's already 10.40am, and i'm supposed to be in the shower so i can get ready on time for work. but noooo. guess what shareefah is doing instead? i'm reading my blog over and over again because i'm STILL so psyched out by the new blogskin. -.-

to anybody who's free today.

do drop by ikea tampines if you've nothing else to do, and just buy some batteries or something. (each is $2.50, both AA and AAA) so i could like, be entertained for like, 30 seconds by you. hahaa. unless you pay by credit card or nets la. that'll take longer. ;D of course you need to come to my counter lah.

everytime i go to work, i wonder: "why the fuck am i doing this again?" and i realise, that:

1) i need the fucking money.

2) working as a cashier is pretty fun!

yes, believe it or not, cashiering is fun. yes.. i've had my fair share of nasty customers that blame me for practically everything in the whole wide world, but i've also had my fair share of imagination boost with each customer who comes and goes. i'd always make up this story that he's migrating here with his entire family, or she just got divorced and she's probably still mentally unstable.. haha.

i know, right?

i'm a bad cashier.

hahaa.

time check. ouh fuck. i REALLY need to go get ready for work. :(

could somebody like, be my monthly financial supplier so i don't have to work anymore..?

hmm. i wonder.

p/s: i really don't know if we need to complete the tutorials/lectures that we received via email. but our best bet is to complete it. so there.

i thought and wondered at 10:36 AM

"heheh "

i'm so psyched about my new blogskin! - it's so simple!

a friend helped me out throughout though.

thanks, friend! heeee.

i'm off to sleep now. tomorrow i'll be up at ten in the morning. oh, i'll be very busy tomorrow. :(

i want to dream of ponies and lobsters. :D

i thought and wondered at 3:44 AM

Saturday, April 25, 2009

"stop being such a bitch, bitch. "

i don't know what the fuck is up with that bitch.

pms, i think.

even so, everybody (yes, even guys too, so i've learnt) has pms and since YOU are using MY macbook, it's only right that you show me at least some fucking courtesy. fuck, you don't even show gratification. bitch.

anyway, her bad pms-ing brings me to mention the essence of this entry.

i was working today, and i realised that singaporeans are getting more and more ridiculous. like, seriously. i won't say anything about it though, for fear of getting sued or something. *rolls eyes*

i don't know if it's the :

a) seriously sucky weather, or

b) what's been happening to my family, or

c) the recent petty fights with baby, or

d) the i've-no-money-and-am-seriously-broke-like-$2-left-kinda-broke-but-it's-still-perfectly-'fine'-to-go-impulse-shopping attitude, or

e) the realisation that i've already started schooling

that's been annoying me so relentlessly these past few days.

maybe it's all of the above.

sigh.

i still don't believe i volunteered to be the module rep for media marketing management. it's like, an impulsive action. in other words, it provided me with cheap thrill. the same rush of emotions that i feel when i buy something new when i know that i don't even need it.

you know when you get home with the stuff you bought impulsively?

that feeling you get when you realise : "FUCK! THE MONEY WAS TO PAY MY PHONE BILL!"

yeah.

that's the feeling i have now.

except, i was hit with the realisation that i don't have any freaking time to take up extra responsibilities, seeing that i already intend to join students' union AND foreign bodies, i'm working at ikea tampines on weekends and i have ASC practices every friday night!

what the hell was i thinking?!

but. shareefah cannot stop being shareefah.

i've taken up the responsibility and shall stick with it til whenever john ho needs my humble service. -.-

now i'm stressing on how to get the remaining of the class (mostly the guys) to decide what grouping they want. i told you they're more irresponsible than girls. gah.

john ho: so do you want an assistant rep to help you?

me: *pauses* umm..

john ho: you need to choose a boy since you're already a girl.

me: umm.. can it be a girl instead?

john ho: why don't you want it to be a boy?

me: err.. because guys are irresponsible. *smiles sheepishly*

john ho: *laughs* but your class rep is a boy.

me: well, maybe that's because joseph is an exception.

whole class: wooo..

i'm like, what the fuck just happened there?

haha.

okay. off to do my rep-duties.

speaking of joseph, he's one of those who hasn't replied me on what grouping he wants. ugh.

so he's not such an exception afterall.

shrugs.

i thought and wondered at 9:40 PM

Friday, April 24, 2009

"photos "

Labels: photos

i thought and wondered at 6:51 PM

"it's happening right infront of my eyes. again. "

i don't know what's her fucking problem.

i just know that she's being a fucking immature childish bitch by resorting to *******. like all those cowards.

yeah, he may be an unbearable, irritating, obnoxious bastard all the time. but deep down your heart you know that the one who will suffer the most, is her. and it hurts me to know that she is on the verge of experiencing what i did when i was young.

i hate you so much.
i hate you so fucking much.

money does NOT make the world go round.
it doesn't.

one day when she grows up she's going to hate you to the core. the same way i'm hating them so much right now. you do know that, don't you bitch? you know that very well.

i shouldn't expect much from you anyway.
you're a spoilt pampered bitch who's the same age as my boyfriend.

studies show that girls mature emotionally and logically faster than guys. and well, i guess that's just bullshit, huh? because i am a fucking hundred percent sure that my baby is so much mature than you. or him.

i need baby so much right now.

-----

i couldn't concentrate in class today.

i wonder why.

i thought and wondered at 6:36 PM

Thursday, April 23, 2009

"i feel so fucking fat. "

i've always felt fat. but today just made it worst.

the previous post was so short.

and i feel like i have the responsibility to explain myself.

well, i had a great day at school. from the dee-pushing-mary's-notebook-and-spilling-her-coke-all-over-the-floor incident at macs, to the moment when we realised that we (dee, mary and i), were being such dumb blondes, it was all very fun. except after break. when doreen had to sit far far away from us. hmpfh.

i should have sat next to her. it was unfair for her to have to sit alone. sorry reen. i really love you. <3

i'm getting pretty pissed off with this macbook, because it seems that whatever/whichever msn for mac software i try to download, cannot be read. gah. help?

anyway, i have conveniently named this macmac 'macSHAREE' (mac - sherry), well, after me. :D

green tea frapp is NICE. :D

after school mary, dee and i went to wisma atria. we ended up buying a few dresses and accessories from max&more and forever 21 respectively. :D oh! we saw vanessa there too. ;)

i had a great time at town with them.

we were laughing practically like, forever. hahaa!

every single thing that happened was as funny as hell! xD

really unfortunate that reen couldn't make it because somebody in her church passed away and she had to attend the funeral. :(

in the train on the way back home dee and i had loads of fun playing with macshari. we took crazy pictures and were laughing like possessed hyenas on drugs. ahaha! okay, trust me, it was really funny. hahaa!

-----

when i reached home it was hectic.

sometimes i wonder how much a 17-year old can handle.

there's too much noise.

too many things to think about.

i want to run away and hide somewhere.

will you share your corner with me?

i thought and wondered at 11:46 PM

"here we go again "

i'm at wisma's starbucks with dee and mary.

i had a pretty rough day today. in my opinion, at least.

i'm tired.

of everything.

sometimes i just want to run away and hide.

somebody stab me?

i thought and wondered at 7:02 PM

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

"seventeen again! "

i just came back from causeway with doreen and we watched '17 again' together!

yay!

haha. it was a good movie. quite average actually. before i receive any boos, let me explain myself. i think the storyline was very basic, and honestly, a little boring and very predictable, but, (thankfully) zac's spectacular acting practically saved the movie's ass.

anyhoo, it was an okay movie overall. it was funny, but it didn't make me clench my stomach and laugh til i cry.

so i'd rate it 3.5/5

and the 0.5 is credits to zac.

heh.

internet's so fucking slow. i wonder why we pay for it sometimes.

mary, dee and i are bringing our notebooks to school tomorrow. i wonder if the internet's gonna be slow. stefanie was trying to access the wireless in class but to no avail. and they claim nyp is a wireless campus. shrugs.

speaking about school, we had club crawl today. i signed up for both students' union and foreign bodies. haha. i'm a little greedy huh. but there's this teeny weeny part of me that's worried i won't be accepted in either. should i submit my name to more ccas? hmm.

and i have another thing to worry about too.

my macbook doesn't seem to have any of the softwares/programmes that's supposed to be in it already. like that heucampus, daceasy or anything of the sort. i'm like, fuck. shit fuck.

haha.

and i still think i'm pretty retarded.

mary says it's cause of the meningitis incident in secondary 2.

i hope doreen gets her notebook soon.

parentsANDsiblings can get soooo irritating.

it's like their mission in life is to make yours suck big time.

gah. i feel you, doreen. <3

talking on the phone with hidayah. tata!

-editted-

sometimes i don't know what you want anymore.

and it hurts.

a lot.

i thought and wondered at 5:14 PM

"this is when i say i'm depressed "

i can't sleep.

i know it's usual for me to not be able to sleep, but today it feels different. really different. because i can't keep staring at my macbook. it's not the exact black one that i've always wanted, but it's still a macbook. and i can deal pretty well with that.

i would have been pretty psyched if i got a new ipod nano (preferably a pink one? hee.) along with this spiffy little thing. but i didn't. and therefore i'm pretty bumped. ouh and trust me, macbooks look really tiny/slim/thin/whatever, but they're actually quite heavy.

which further convinces me that i should have bought a vaio SR instead.

somebody smack me.

i know, right? like what the hell am i thinking?

gah.

it's already 1.50am. an hour ago i was still talking to baby on the phone.

i wish i still were.

ouh gosh.

iunno what to wear tomorrow.

shrugs.

toodles.

i thought and wondered at 1:38 AM

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

"everywhere but here "

so today was the second day of school.

poly, to be exact.

i've made many great new friends, three being closer to me than the rest.

i've been longing for this moment for so long. that now, i realise i don't want it anymore.

is that normal?

i thought and wondered at 11:31 PM