i have a blue-black on the top right hand corner of my back. it hurts so bad that i don't know if it'll ever go away.
work was boring today. i tred my best to be a super-worker by clearing the queue asap, and then folding the clothes at the men's area, but to no avail. the queue seemed never-ending. when i did have time off, i had to update the planner as well as miscellaneous POS stuff. i think cotton on has some of the best people to hang out with. when people talk about resigning, i can't help but to realise that one day i'll have to leave as well. let's just hope that next year, TEP won't be that hard to cope with.
oh, and did i mention that i'm very tempted to join the SAF upon graduation? yeah, i figured i wouldn't cut it being an air stewardess. they'll ask me to go home while i'm filling up the application form. heh. go figure.
i thought and wondered at 12:21 AM
Saturday, November 27, 2010
"but you lied again "
i'm not one who takes violence very well.
so when conflicts arise, i do what i do best by trying to solve it first. when that doesn't work, i leave. i leave and avoid any further contact because i know i can't do anything anymore. walid was right, friends come and go. and honestly, i don't know how i've survived this long. i need to rely on myself for every single thing, every single detail of my life.
even more so now.
i've been greatly hurt before. when my father hurt my family i took a long time but finally did forgive him for leaving us. that's prolly because he's my father. my blood is infused with his genes, linked to his DNA. i needed to forgive him.
but til the day i die, will i forever hold this grudge.
of how you hurt me, and of how you never stopped.
i thought and wondered at 12:09 PM
Sunday, November 14, 2010
"to our future "
i guess i always knew that this would happen.
i just typed a whole chunk of words, and then realised nothing would change even if i published it, so all i'm gonna say is, i give up. on all of you.
perhaps this was what you were hoping for.
subconsciously, at the back of your head.
well i'm telling you now, that you've succeeded.
congratulations.
toodles til the next them then. (:
i thought and wondered at 10:46 AM
Sunday, November 7, 2010
"let it go "
over the past few days i've done a lot of drastic things.
did things you know the old sharifah would never have done. because she felt no need to do so. but sometimes, things get weird and they just don't feel right anymore. and then you need to shake that old identity off to get a new one.
honestly, i gave up.
the only reason why i keep coming back is because i don't know how to end this.
it hurts too much and the fact that i always tell others who have been in my situation keeps replaying in my head.
spent more than half of my pay on things that shouldn't have been paid for. it's not like it was on impulse, it was more like, i've been thinking about it for a long time, and when i did it, it didn't feel as great as i thought it would have. yeah. but spirits up, i've got a new babydoll look and even though you don't think it's as nice as my previous 'sophisticated' look, i spent a whole lot of fucking money on it, so i'd just hope others would appreciate me for once.
just so you'd know how i feel:
i wanted you to know i love the way you laugh i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away i keep your photograph and i know it serves me well i wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'cause i'm broken when i'm lonesome and i don't feel right when you're gone away
you've gone away
you don't feel me
here anymore
the worst is over now and we can breathe again i wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away there's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight i wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'cause i'm broken when i'm open and i don't feel like i am strong enough 'cause i'm broken when i'm lonesome and i don't feel right when you're gone away
'cause i'm broken when i'm lonesome and i don't feel right when you're gone away
