my thoughts and wonders.

i want somebody to kill me;
will you?

mytsandws. ♥

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sharifah raihanah
sherryfah. (sha. shar. shai. nana.)
foreign bodies. ex-asc. fcps. rss. nyp/sbm - media studies & management. cotton on. cancer. hates her own kind, including you.

sharaihanah@hotmail.com

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Friday, July 31, 2009

"i just had to "

i couldn't find my vcd. so i resorted to this:

i hope you enjoyed your 1 hour and 40 minutes. (:
cause i did.

i thought and wondered at 7:13 PM

"suara hati seorang kekasih "

suara hati seorang kekasih

hanya namamu di hatiku
jiwa dan raga takkan berdusta
namun terkadang cinta terusik
benci sesaat

seribu musim takkan bisa
menghibur hati yang penuh marah
entah mengapa berpisah
saat mulai menjalin

suara hati seorang kekasih
bagai nyanyian surgawi
takkan berdusta
walau ketamakan merajai
diri yang penuh emosi
jauh di dasar hatiku
tetap ku mau
kau sebagai kasihku

- melly goeslow

stay long enough on my blog and you'll get to hear this song. from the soundtrack of "ada apa dengan cinta", this song reminds me of a lot.

in fact, i got the three new blog songs that i added from reading my previous blog. my sec 1/2 blog, to be precise. it's amazing how i've grown up. or so i think. heh.

sick like fuck, and heading out for dinner later.

i hope baby plays well. ♥

my eyes still hurt. imma sleep while waiting for them to get ready.

i thought and wondered at 5:31 PM

"shivers "

nad was right.

we shouldn't have drank from her bubble tea.

now mary and i are sick like fuck.

fuck - red/watery eyes that sting, a freaking dry throat that hurts like crazy, nostrils that leak like broken taps.

crap lah.

i hate it when this happens.

and there's work from 10am - 7pm tomorrow.

shitnesssxxxzzz.

today there's three things i'm supposed to attend in the evening:

1. mummy's birthday dinner ; it's a die-die-must-go kinda event, because like duh? she's my mummy and it's been 392047832964 years since we had a dinner together with the whole family.

2. baby's anticipated soccer match ; i so want to go for his soccer match because i want to see him score for me! besides, i really really freaking miss him! and somehow i love him more when he sweats. fucking sexy. haha!

3. foreign bodies practice ; i really, really, really want to continue learning the choreography that we missed out on last week. now that i'm going to miss today's practice, i'm going to feel so freaking left out next week.

perhaps i should just stay at home and rest, so it won't be unfair to either parties. ahhhh fuck. i hate it when i have to choose. i hate hate hate it. i hate it when i have to be divided like this. fuck itttt.

i want you so much. now. :(

p/s: i miss you too, tashaa cuz! ;)

i thought and wondered at 12:52 PM

"HAPPY 49TH BIRTHDAY, MUMMY LOVE! "

MDM AINI BTE AHMAD RAHIM, HAPPY 49TH BIRTHDAY! :D

i love you like no other. thanks for being the best, most awesomest mother in the entire human existence. you are the guiding beacon of light when i'm facing the darkest moments in my life. and although your light may flicker sometimes, it's still shining brightly. and that's what matters. (:

i love you so!

i'd write a whole lot more, but i'm rushing assignments, and i'll update a proper lovey-dovey entry later on in the day. :D

toodles loves!

p/s: oh, and baby guess what? I LOVE YOU! hahaha. okay fine, 5 - 3. hahahaha!

i thought and wondered at 12:38 AM

Thursday, July 30, 2009

"and all i can do is try.. "

school was so mundane today.

loads of things to do tonight.

again, if it's urgent, just call me.

i've been so busy, i haven't even been able to call walid back.

what kind of fucked up daughter am i?

can we all please just piece everything back together, the way it was supposed to be? i miss all of you so much. i wish she hadn't happen. i wish he hadn't happen. i wish we could all sit down for a dinner for once. because the last memory i have of a dinner together was when i was still dependent on diapers and milk bottles. chocolate milk, to be precise. :( and i don't even know if that really happened, or if i dreamed it when i was still young enough to dream happy dreams.

i miss the non-existent squabbles. i miss you coming home, to give her a kiss. i miss you sending me out to class. i miss sleeping in the living room, us one big family. i miss all the scary ghost stories behind our house. i miss all of that.

no matter how much it hurt sometimes, i miss my childhood so much.

did you know?

amidst all this craps, i'm still trying to be as strong as i can be. for you, for her, and for all of us. because i know that if i lose myself right now, it'll hurt you. it'll hurt you so badly that you wouldn't be able to survive. and me, being this strong for you. can't you see it? don't you feel it? i love you so much. that no words can express it. no words..

sigh.

and baby..? i miss you and i need you so fucking much. i don't even know where to start. :(

p/s: i miss you darling.. more than you can imagine..

i thought and wondered at 3:07 PM

"scene 1 : rain "

sidetrack: i love the hair here.

yesterday, we had our ica4, dfvp filming.

i love my team members.

pei wen, shawn, stephanie. (:

perhaps when i grow up imma be a director or a part of the "behind-the-scenes" crew; instead of being a public relations officer, which was my original plan anyway. i'm not sure of what i want anymore.

right now though, i'm sure of this. i have the greatest movie idea. or short drama. or whatever. sigh. and somehow, i'd picture the shots being accompanied by either "ignorance" by paramore, or "i dare you to move" by switchfoot. depending on the angle of the story i choose to take. heh.

since "ignorance" is a relatively new song by paramore, here's a treat for all you darlings. (:

a lot of emotions in this song. it's the kind of song that would make you think. like, really, really think. and somehow. this song made me think yesterday. you won't like it the first time you hear it. you'll get used to it though. the way you'll get used to me..

on another note:

this car gets me orgasmic.

walid.... :(

i hope today goes great.

looking forward to dance my heart out.

since i've been keeping loads of emotions in.

good day.

p/s: did i ever make a mistake? did i?

p/s 2: tomorrow is mummy's 49th! :D

i thought and wondered at 8:28 AM

"3 in the morning "

i just woke up from a nightmare.

and i'm still pretty shaken.

i need to force myself to sleep.

shit.

i thought and wondered at 2:56 AM

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"i'm so tired "

i'm so tired.

can we stop all this nonsense, please?

i thought and wondered at 6:26 PM

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

"stupid dancer "

i'm not trying to publicise my ugly fat legs or anything.

but i just wanted to place emphasis on how swollen my left calf is.

and it's been swollen since early morning. :(

and duh, it hurts like, a fucking lot. sheeeeesh.

(and no, they're not fats. my calves are very muscular, because of my ballet background. tsk.)

sometimes i wonder if i should quit it all.

find a permanent job and start supporting you.

afterall, it seems like the best thing to do right now.

i'm tired of all this.

i'm really, really tired.

i feel like cutting my muscle out because it's hurting so damn much. and fuck, even though my leg is acting up again, there's filming tomorrow and i'll obviously have to walk a lot. sigh. also, tashah's friends are doing a collabo for a competition on the 22nd august, and i'm joining in. i just don't know when to say "no" to dance, can i? =/

stupid dancer or what.

so there's filming tomorrow morning, and dance in the evening. great.

alas, at the moment i feel like running. ):

p/s: i didn't go to school and i got calcium tablets! ahahaaha. :D

i thought and wondered at 5:10 PM

"the disease strikes again "

yes doreen.

the disease is back.

i'm updating 293384435891283 times a day. hahahaha!

anyway. i wanted to blog about this just now, but it slipped my mind. and now that i'm all ready for bed, i just wanted to update this little thought/realisation of mine, so that it'll be here forever. (:

anyway, only those who have been reading my blog since a few months back will know what i'm talking about. remember there was this entry i posted about a dream? the dream i had about a guy hugging me from behind, in a queue? he was slightly taller than me, and fair-skinned? and that's about all i remembered from the dream. well, i think i found him. and now, it seems really, really familiar. in fact, i think it already happened.

except that it wasn't a queue, and.

on 16th july that exact scene happened.

i only realise it now. x)

with baby sick, i'm missing him more than ever. he'll need all the rest he can get, and tomorrow's sheesha plan will probably not work out cause we need somebody of legal age. hahaha! sigh. maybe i'll just head home straight and sleep. i need to catch up on my sleep. boo.

what happened while waiting for the bus just now really made me smile on the journey back home. the way everything fit into pieces. the way you "merajok-ed" with me, and the way i "layan-ed" you. and the way we could still exchange kisses even while we were in a squabble. hehee! yeah, you probably are my dream guy baby. in the weirdest, most opposite manner imaginable. wahaha! ;P

oh, and note-to-self :

i'm getting used to baby's smell..

i'm getting used to the way we hold hands..

i'm getting used to kissing him (and being kissed) at least once every 10 minutes. haha!

i love you, b! :D

nights/morning darling-lings!

i thought and wondered at 2:15 AM

"someone you used to know "

someone you used to know

it was helpless anyway
there's nothing much we could do or say
darling don't you think it's a shame?
that it had to end this way

so here's to say goodbye
our love is lost, and we can't figure why
maybe it really is about time
that we finally made up our minds

so darling, here's to you
i hope that when you find someone new
that she would always be true to you
to love and understand you

soon you'll build new memories
then slowly you'd forget about me
then i would slowly be
a distant memory

soon i'll just be
that someone you used to know
but darling you will thank me
for letting you go
time is not for wasting
i hope you'll find your intended
but i'm sorry
that your intended.. isn't me

it's not an easy thing
to shake off our history
i know that's what you want from me
but they will always stay with me

i admit i made mistakes
but darling with you it's just the same
if we stay there'll be more to make
don't know how much more we can take

darling, it would be unfair
to stay with something no longer there
it's not that i no longer care
i'd feel like a burden you cannot bear

soon i'll just be
someone you used to know
but darling you will thank me
for letting you go
but time is not for wasting
and i hope you'll find your intended
but i'm sorry
that your intended.. isn't me

- zee avi

it's 1.27am, and i feel like taking a walk.

i thought and wondered at 1:20 AM

Monday, July 27, 2009

"naga naga tenaga "

kimak.

nak hatetag, blog aku ade sial.

yang cerite dah lame tu, kau nak besar2kan buat pe?

kau dapat name?

kau dapat status?

and please ah eh. kalau matair kau tak tau nak stay faithful atau loyal, then that's none of my fucking business. lagi2 kalau matair kau declare diri sendiri single. macam sedih gitu, kau takde tempat dalam hidop die. betol tak? kau nak marah2 kat aku, takde gune ah beb. kau pikir matair kau siape? justin timberlake? sigh. cerminkan diri sendiri tu dulu okay? oh, and before you say: aku dah cerminkan diri sendiri dah. i know where i stand. unlike you, or you, or you. haha.

you were right.

so right, that you're contradicting yourself now.

penat ah aku layan bende2 gini.

oh, and please la eh.

my previous relationships failed? hur hur.

grow up laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. (:

i thought and wondered at 8:21 PM

"how do i live? "

i read something really disturbing just now.

it's funny how you're turning 19, and you're still bullshitting yourself, your friends, your life.

it's almost pathetic. really.

sigh.

some people never change.

-----

macsharee's weather forecast for today reads that the lowest temperature is 24 degrees celcius, while the highest is 32 degrees celcius. it's fucking cold right now, and i wonder how baby's coping. i met him briefly just now and he's sick. :( and like duh, i'm freaking worried about him now. =/

and of course, my eyes are closing automatically.

blame it on my pantat gatal (itchy backside - a malay expression) which wanted to bake for mary in the wee hours of the morning. blueargh. but at least it's worth it. the girls loved it, and i hope baby likes it too. hehe. they'd better like it. i didn't sleep one whole night for it! hahaa.

oh! the morning birthday surprise at mary's was successful! heh. except that dee overslept. boo. hahaa. but other than that, it went pretty smoothly. i was lying so convincingly well, that mary didn't believe i was outside her house, with mairah and reen. nyehaha! hope you were pleasantly surprised, mary love. oh, and we cabbed to school. (:

sidetrack:

oh my gawdz!

afternoon classes are cancelled. gah!

i have to go to riverside.

to take my testimonial and certificates. boo!

byebye lovelies.

i thought and wondered at 11:50 AM

"dancing dance girls "

i just realised.

that i really, really, really miss modern dance.

i miss being a senior. i miss having control. i miss being the person who didn't have a leadership post, and yet was organising so many things. i miss the petty fights we used to have. i miss stretching until i cried. i miss splitting for 5 minutes straight each. i miss doing our (2007) syf choreography. i miss dancing for all the open houses. i miss torturing my juniors, the way they probably are torturing theirs, now. heh. i miss getting scolded for not bunning up my hair, and pinning up my fringe. (the irony; i do it all the time now.) i miss contemporary, jazz and ballet.

and i miss our dance studio. :(

speaking of which.

i'll have to collect my certificates from riverside tomorrow.

or they'll throw it away or something. gah.

anybody wanna come with? haha!

ouh.

5.33am already.

surprise, surprise, here we come! hahaha!

have a good 27th july everybody. (:

i thought and wondered at 5:27 AM

"the 17th you. (: "

happy sweet 17th birthday, mary love.

you know you're irreplaceable. (:

i love you, more than words can say. ;)

-----

it's 4.54am in the morning right now, and i can't sleep. why? because i just finished baking muffins for mary's surprise celebration tomorrow. to my dismay, the second batch of half a dozen is slightly burnt compared to the first. now there's a distinctive colour difference. shit.

but it tastes divine, i tell you.

its outside is crispy and nice.

its inside is soft and fluffy.

and it tastes exactly like famous amos cookies!

many thanks to sis-love for staying up with me to bake them. :D

excuse the messy hair, oily face, chapped nails and ugly expression. the main focus should be the muffin. heee! :D

yayness!

i can't wait to see baby tomorrow! :D

i'm not sleeping, so, i'll blog later, i guess? haha!

toodles!

i thought and wondered at 4:50 AM

Sunday, July 26, 2009

"boom boom pow! "

yesterday night was da bomb.

i had great fun with remy, julie, marinah, amir and zul. (:

my camera's with baby, so i'll post the nice pictures up when he's uploaded them. heh. there's this one picture, that baby and i look so sweet in. seriously, it can been mistaken for a wedding picture. hahaha! stop it seh sharifah.

(if there's a picture on top, well, that's the picture. heh.)

(if there isn't, then it's because i haven't received it yet. hah.)

sharifah raihanah shahabuddin says: (12:45:22 PM)
ahahhaa. im so in love
sharifah raihanah shahabuddin says: (12:45:28 PM)
i feel lightheaded most of the time
Julieeeeee! says: (12:45:28 PM)
me tooooooooooooooo.
Julieeeeee! says: (12:45:29 PM)
woooooooooooooh

anyway, yesterday was great. from the moment i met julie, where there were 2 mats in the train sitting beside me who had seriously-kental voices and when we bumped into cherie and her boyf in the train, til i met baby and saw him holding amir's hands. =.= i missed that boy so much lah! i couldn't help but break into a grin when i saw him. heh. :)

when i woke up, i saw 7 missed calls from you;

and a seriously disturbing sms.

seriously, what is your problem with me/us?

you are a best friend. always have been.

iunno why you should start getting protective over me just because i'm attached now.

he has changed, and he will take care of me.

if i trust him, why can't you?

kana-sigh.

work later on. today is dennis' last day. and pretty soon hanis is quitting too. there's no motive of me working anymore soon. i don't even know half the new people. sigh. i've always thought of quitting, but i've become too used to working there. the dreadful long 168 journey. the journey that i have to take if i were to go over to 1)baby's, or 2)dad's, or 3)mary's.

yes, all my dearly loved ones. (:

tomorrow night. tomorrow night shall be the night. :D

tomorrow: somebody will turn a year older.

somebody very dear to me.. although i've known her for barely 3 months, it's as though i've known her all my life. the way we understand each other, it's amazing. probably it's because of what we do and say. and somehow, she's always been there for me these past few months. so, to that somebody who's dear to me, gua sayang bangat sama loh. :D

aishhh!

bising nyerrr.

i cannot tahan.

i cannot tahan!

fuck all of you lah. ugh.

bye babies.

p/s: i miss my hidayah, haiza and maisurah. ): i need our group hug soon. sigh.

i thought and wondered at 12:40 PM

Saturday, July 25, 2009

"tears "

as they drop on my cheeks.

i smile and wonder.

i thought and wondered at 2:29 PM

"absolutely everybody "

life is a box of chocolates.

- a box of very very sweet and very very bitter chocolates.

mai-ia hee

mai-ia ho

mai-ia hu

mai-ia haha!

look in the mirror, and keep on shining..

i want pastamania's tiramisu. :(

or secret recipe's cheesecake. :(

or perhaps i just want a starbucks caramel frappe. D:

-----

everybody deserves a second chance.

and in some cases, they deserve third and fourth chances too.

i'm sorry that you were too late. i'm sorry that you didn't try hard enough. i'm sorry that you hate me now. i'm sorry that you're hurting now. i'm sorry that i raised your hopes high. i'm sorry that i crushed them later. i'm sorry that i didn't keep my promises. i'm sorry that you're not happy because i'm not yours.

to you, you, you and you.

somebody once told me that if you really love somebody, all you should want is for him/her to be happy. there's no point going on and on. there's no need to be a sore loser because he/she didn't choose you.

the truth hurts.

fuck it, even I have been hurt like this before.

so all you sissies should suck it up.

life goes on.

-----

should i work today?

my back and legs hurt. like, A LOT.

i can't even walk properly now. and i swear, it's a hilarious sight. i can't be standing for hours on end, serving customers for 6 hours straight, can i? sigh. alternatively, i really feel like going to the beach. like, i'm dying to smell the saltiness of the ocean breeze; dying to taste in in my mouth. such a familiar feeling it gives me..

..or maybe, i just want to go sheesha. x)

and all of a sudden i need a hug.

i want a new teddy bear. a big one, please?

no, not as big as myself or bigger.

just big enough for me to hug comfortably to sleep.

sigh.

stop being so decadent. stop.

bye lovelies.

i thought and wondered at 1:22 PM

Friday, July 24, 2009

"the old you's.. dead and gone "

"i've been traveling on this road too long

just trying to find my way back home

the old me is dead and gone

dead and gone.."

i cringe whenever i think about you;

not because i miss you.

not because i still long for you.

and definitely not because i still love you.

but because i've realised that you're longer the person i once knew. and just like me, you've changed for the worst. in fact, you've changed wayyyy much more than i have. and it hurts to know that the old kind, caring you has gone away and will never be back again.

i really feel for you.

-----

so that's the way life is - people change. people change all the time, actually. every second of every day of our lives. we're just too busy(?) to notice it sometimes. i for one, have admitted that i've been too caught up with what's been happening to my life to realise how much i've changed until recently. honestly, is it the same for you?

the adrenaline rush that i get whenever i see you; indescribable. the warmth i feel whenever your arms embrace me; magical. the feeling you leave me with whenever you kiss me; unexplainable. yes, you boy you.

baby's different from the rest.

and i love him so.

for knowing me so well.

for understanding me..

and like you said, b:

i may not be the best girlfriend there is around.

but i'm trying to be the best i can be for you. (:

and i know this will sound ridiculous.

but, but.

baby's admin number ends with a S.

while mine, ends with a N.

and baby's at block P, which is near the South canteen.

and i'm at block B, which is near the North canteen!

haha. coolshit or what? :D

still, i can't help but wonder if it's possible to feel this way towards somebody within such a short period of time. the first wasn't like this cause it took awhile to get me loving him. the second, i loved only towards the end of it all. the third, was close to me before it started, so the love was natural. but with baby.. with baby, it's just so so so so different.. it's like he dropped from heaven, and landed safely in my heart. ;P

and mairah goes:

"quantity doesn't matter.

quality does."

quite true, ain't it? (x

-----

dance was so tiring today, it was beyond tiring. i accidentally strained a muscle while centre-splitting, and now it hurts when i walk. maybe i'll call-in-sick for work tomorrow? and besides, i want baby. :(

met raymond with doreen and the rest after school! hahaa. :D

mary, mairah, doreen, dee. we girls should seriously have some quality time together. it's been such a fucking long time since we sat down and chilled. i fucking miss all of us together. and it's beyond fucking. sigh. am i making any sense?

work tomorrow.

sigh.

goodnight loves.

i thought and wondered at 10:42 PM

Thursday, July 23, 2009

"made love "

i love you, baby.

and that's all that matters.. (:

had a great time with baby after school. although he sent me home straight, i think today was truly the first day that we had our time all to ourselves. and i can't say how much i appreciate him for staying so long even when he was fucking late. heh.

thanks eh boy.

for making me love you so much!

to you:

i'm sorry for disappointing you. really, i am.

(and no, it's not a guy. neither is it a girl who likes me. =.=)

p/s: you know it. you're mine. all mine.. (:

i thought and wondered at 9:40 PM

"tired out. checkout "

i am seriously tired right now.

from all the rushing, from all the jostling of things to do. from all the excitement of everything that's happening right now.

i should seriously take a break from life soon.

i need to go to the beach, man.

anybody wanna come with?

in fact, i think imma go to the beach on saturday morning. then i'll head for work straight after. it's been a long time since i last thought about myself. in fact, it's been a long time since i put myself before others.

surely one day wouldn't hurt?

yeah, one day wouldn't hurt..

"it's like, you're working to support other people instead of yourself.. heh.."

p/s: my limbs are shivering again. i miss walid..

i thought and wondered at 5:20 PM

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

"shut the fuck up "

sometimes, i feel like running away.

iunno from who.

iunno to where.

but i just feel like it.

fuck, iunno why it's such a big deal to you guys. if they can accept it, why can't you?

ica to do.

test tomorrow.

tears are rolling.

baik ah sha. baik.

baby, i'm so sorry for snapping like that just now. i have a lot on my mind. and i guess i was disappointed and tired too. and you have my heart too.. cross my heart.. (:

p/s: doreen, i'm sorry.

- edited -

and i just remembered how badly i failed dfvp test. and the promise that i made myself before entering poly. i remember how i made promises to everybody. i remember how much i didn't want to let go of myself.

but look at me now.

as those harsh words hit my heart.

i cry; even harder than my hardest before.

because i realise that it's true. that i've been worrying all of you. your efforts were futile. they've all been in vain. each and every single one of you have been trying to remind me that i'm changing. but i didn't want to accept it..

and now that i've finally completed the transformation..

i realise that i've changed for the worse. and those who know. those who know will know how much i've changed. from the very first day of orientation til now. the events that have occurred. they've moulded me into something beyond recognition.

but it's time to step back into reality.

i've got my friends.

i've got myself.

and i've got my baby.

i'll have to make this work. one way or another.

i will.

...won't i?

i thought and wondered at 10:11 PM

"mary and doreen "

life is more than this.

it's more than any of this.

i know this sounds cliche, but. i just realised that life's too short for us to spend it being angry. but then again, being angry brings pleasure into one's life. it's like, life will not be complete without all these emotions. and yet it's these very emotions that make us miserable. life is so complicated yet so simple. sigh.

watched "radit dan jani" (directed by upi) yesterday.

i cried like a motherfucking bitch.

"b, will we be as sweet as radit and jani?"

"no baby, we won't. we'll be sweeter. :-*"

i feel like dancing. dammit. mary, doreen, i miss you darlings. in fact, i miss dee too. cause she's been MIA so much. sigh. i miss all my other friends too. and meeting up is a must.

test tomorrow.

crap-ness.

shall update more at home after baby's soccer match. (:

i thought and wondered at 2:00 PM

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

"4 in the morning "

i'm not going to stay up tonight because i'm tired.

for the first time in a looong time, i really am tired. sigh.

i thought and wondered at 10:06 PM

"no one "

no one

i just want you close
where you can stay forever
you can be sure
that it will only get better

you and me together
through the days and nights
i don't worry 'cause
everything's going to be alright
people keep talking they can say what they like
but all i know is everything's gonna be alright

no one, no one, no one
can get in the way of what i'm feeling
no one, no one, no one
can get in the way of what i feel for you, you, you
can get in the way of what i feel for you

when the rain is pouring down
and my heart is hurting
you will always be around
this i know for certain

you and me together
through the days and nights
i don't worry 'cause
everything's going to be alright
people keep talking they can say what they like
but all i know is everything's going to be alright

no one, no one, no one
can get in the way of what i'm feeling
no one, no one, no one
can get in the way of what i feel for you, you, you
can get in the way of what i feel

i know some people search the world
to find something like what we have
i know people will try try to divide something so real
so till the end of time i'm telling you there ain't no one

no one, no one, no one
can get in the way of what i'm feeling
no one, no one, no one
can get in the way of what i feel for you, you, you
can get in the way of what i feel for you

- alicia keys

i thought and wondered at 12:44 AM

Monday, July 20, 2009

"starbucks leaking "

dammit.

school was fucking boring today. boring beyond boring. it was quite pointless, almost. school ended early today and after the group discussion i was with somebody for 7 hours straight. heee! and i still miss him! blueargh. i totally understand how you feel now, mary. sigh.

haiz. shareefah's sad again. boo.

starbucks leaked in my bag. and now my media marketing's notes are soiled. gah. i so so hate this. i hate it.

YAYNESS!

okay i'm happy all of a sudden. he he he. lalala~ and only baby knows why. haha. (baby, you promised already, okay! hahaha!) i love my baby so. really, really! i do i do! hahahahaha. (i only don't love him when he starts doing his "mat-dance-moves" on the train. haha!)

i want to watch a movie. darlings! let's go watch a movie together! tomorrow school's going to be even more boring. omg sigh. presentation! sigh. this entry is so full of sighs, i might as well just type sigh the whole way. like, sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sighhhhhhh. sigh.

i need talents for dfvp!

dammit.

where are actors when i need them?!

okay fine, they were never there, even when i didn't need them. but still! it's irritating when you know that you have great angle shots and everything to get an A. but things don't work out because of the lack of talents. boooo.

walked back home with julie and faris just now. lol. it's been a long time since i last saw faris. and we were talking like gayfucks the whole way. hahahaa. faris totally intruded in my sisterly-bonding time with julie, but i didn't really mind. ha-ha.

anyway, i got to know something funny just now. remy knows him. as in, they've even went out sheesha-ing before. and that's just so fucking funny. cause i have to agree. he IS kental. hahahaaaa! but ouh wells.. x)

contract finally completed! :D

goodbye unicorns!

p/s: it's kinda retarded when "remy" tags at 8.33pm, when he was with me at that time and macsharee was asleep. so.. whoever you are, who's trying to bring us down. you won't. (:

p/s 2: now i'm starting to get irritating, right? blogging about baby all the time? hahaa. pardon me man. really sorry. *grins*

p/s 3: tak usah kau call-mengecall aku lagi. you know who you are.

i thought and wondered at 6:12 PM

Sunday, July 19, 2009

"time after time "

i'm sad.

and only you know why.

boo.

i love mary and doreen. fresh hotdogs are nice. (inside joke. haha.) thanks for sending me to work darlings. heh. hugs.

work beside shikin was fun today. i love that giler-girl. (crazy-girl).

i cut my right thumb today. sigh. the cut's really deep. and it was bleeding non-stop. i had to suck it dry. literally. or at least, i had to suck it til it stopped bleeding. sigh.

julie! T707!

i shall collect my cellphone tomorrow.

and try to sell it somewhere.

nyehahhaahaa.

i'm still sad.

maybe all i need is baby's hug...

"and i find it kinda funny;

i find it kinda sad

that dreams in which i'm dying

are the best i've ever had

i find it hard to tell you

i find it hard to take

when people run in circles

it's a very, very mad world.."

goodnight everyone!

p/s: really sorry darlings. i didn't really tell anybody. but anyway, yes yes. i've been officially attached with najib anwar bin ramli since 17th july 2009. (:

p/s 2: i'm sorry. i never meant to hurt any of you.

i thought and wondered at 10:30 PM

"shawty got me going whooh! "

work was bullshit yesterday. blueargh.

so fucking tiring, with no space to even breathe. urgh.

luckily hanis was beside me the whole way. :D:D:D have i mentioned that i love her?? hahaa! well, i do! hahaha. <3>

b, i am so so so sorry for making you worried like that. truthfully, i was kinda pissed off too. as in, with the management and all. i was supposed to end at 11pm, and was held back by customers til 11.30pm. and then came the drama and whatnot. bluearghs. *rolls eyes til next year*

and i miss you so.. (:

took 168 back home with khair, and i realised that i had a lot to tell him. especially with last sunday's incident and whatnot. thanks for understanding best-friend. (: and no, it's not your fault in any way at all. perhaps it's just a case of, those born on that particular day being assholes. and hey! they even live in the same area, too. hahaa!

entered woodlands mrt and saw yohannis love! :D

well, she saw me, actually. haha.

as usual, i was walking blur-ly and minding my own business.

when all of a sudden, a girl stopped infront of me.

i looked up, and my face immediately broke into a grin.

hugged her and i was practically screaming by then.

hahahaa. i miss you la yohannis! x)

AT THE MOMENT:

i'm thinking of you.. missing you.. looking at our pictures.. hoping you're dreaming of me.. hoping that i'll be dreaming of you as i sleep later on.. it's funny how i'm letting myself fall for you this way.. so impulsively.. so carelessly.. baby, you're mine, and i'm yours. you better know that. hehehe.. (: i am so in love with you, it's scaring me. but it doesn't matter how scary it is. because i know you'll take care of me. i know we'll make it through it all.. yes, najib anak ramli.. (haha).. i love you. just so you know. ;)

meeting doreen and mary tomorrow!

yayness or whattt?! hahaha.

and hopefully i'll be meeting baby after work. xD

OMG! SIDETRACK:

listening to itunes right now, and "with you" by chris brown just started playing. booo! now i miss you even more! hahaa. i. want. you. now! :(

off to dreamland to join you in your dream of us.

hehehe.

(kan sharifah dah mula mushy2. - see la, sharifah's starting to be mushy.)

goodmorning darlings!

19th july shall be a good day!

p/s: i do NOT like plush toys. just so you know.

i thought and wondered at 1:25 AM

Saturday, July 18, 2009

"working it out "

work at 5pm later on.

bluearghs.

i was supposed to start at 4pm, but it got pushed back to 5pm. sigh. and now i'm going to end work at 11pm. booo. i hate taking the bus back home. :(

maybe khair will be going home with me since he'll be at the east side.

but iunno if i'll be in the talking-mood.

or the leave-me-alone-i-want-to-sleep kinda mood.

sigh. projects are piling up. i'll have to make so many "dates" with so many people next week because of discussions and all. gahs. i'm so shagged by all the assignments and how much my i've been going through lately.

this past week itself has been very eventful.

the photoshoot, the many tests, the meet-ups.

and of course, the day we started. (:

it's been a long time since i went to the beach.

baby! let's go beach-ing soon okay? :D:D:D

3.10pm and i'm already feeling sleepy. boo. i'm sure baby and my step-adik will get along if they meet one day. baby just lovess mapling and so does akasyah. =.= i USED to like it. but only because it's cute! and i didn't even know how to play it well. boo.

mary! i want fresh hotdogs! lol. x)

work work work!

p/s: i love how my hands don't even sweat when they're in yours. (:

i thought and wondered at 2:54 PM

Friday, July 17, 2009

"i want it more than ever now "

it's going to be hard.

all relationships are hard.

but we'll make it work. won't we, baby?

17o7o9 marks the day. (:

hahahaha. oh and to all you people who literally read every word of my every post, ignore the 15th july entry okay? i said i'd TRY. (: and nope, definitely not the rebound. i've moved on too far to be needing a rebound. the feeling's still growing, and yes. i am a little lightheaded right now. heh.

and like doreen said: "it's the mark of a new beginning. embrace it. (:"

i love my girls.

(haha! what the fuck! hehe!)

and, i love you.. <3

i thought and wondered at 11:48 PM

"you. "

baby, i love you. (:

3 years, 3 months, 3 days, 3 hours, 3 minutes, 3 seconds tau!

hahahahahaa.

shall update more later.

tralalaa~

i thought and wondered at 7:21 PM

Thursday, July 16, 2009

"la la la laugh! "

LA LA LA LAUGHHHH! :D

hahahhahahaa! ;)

don't think i'm not doing to you, what you are doing to me. (:

break was great. i know it was great for doreen, too. lol. okay, maybe it wasn't as great as it could have been. but it was still great. hahahaha. :D

dfvp test was crazy.

ica(s) are coming full blast at us non-stop.

it's driving me insane.

after school was drama-fied. i will never get myself stuck in that situation ever again. ever ever ever! hahahaa. cause the feeling sucked. but i'm glad that everything's cool now. heh. (:

shit i hate it when she does this.

i need you. now.

off to write a contract.

toodles!

i thought and wondered at 10:29 PM

"you gotta be "

you need to learn how to be unboring.

you need to learn how to excite me.

you need to learn how to make me smile - fast.

you need to learn how to love me.

break an oath again? sigh. stop it seh sharifah. rifhan! let's get attached jom!

i'm sick of people not having faith in me. that way, how can i ever have faith in myself? how can i have faith in other people if i don't have faith in myself? how can i give myself a chance to do so if people keep putting me down? tell me how?

somebody, call 911. please.

i thought and wondered at 3:15 PM

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

"the oath "

yohannis, this is the part you're most familiar with.

since sec 1, i've been doing this.

and since sec 1, i've been breaking this oath like nobody's business.

that's why i learn from my mistakes. and now i'm not going to say forever anymore. never say never, huh. but this time, imma compromise. and keep myself safe. from all those shits you call love. lol. no, no. i'm not not going to fall in love anymore. it's just that, imma stay away from it as much as possible. thus:

i, sharifah raihanah shahabuddin binte syed zulkifli shahabuddin, swear to myself and all those other people reading this, that i will not get attached any time in the near future.

i will take my time.

okay, important post done.

-----

I LOVE WEBCAMMING.

especially with cute people. heheh!

you so know who you are. (:

OUH, FYI! I AM NOT IN LOVE. NOT NOT NOT! booo!

goodnight darlings!

i thought and wondered at 10:55 PM

"just walk away, sha. walk away "

the eyes are turning green.

and now.

i know exactly why. =/

i'm going to post an important entry tonight.

toodles.

i thought and wondered at 2:51 PM

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

"you wanna be on top? "

TODAY, WAS FUCKIN' GREAT. (:

i can't put into words - the experience. it was all so surreal and fast-game. heh.

well, the shoot itself was held at the redhill area, at some studio called "iunno-what"? haha! and everything was so crazy and fast from there onwards. i spent about an hour ++ for the shoot itself. i mean, what do they expect? i'm an amateur at this kinda stuff. hahaha.

anyway, i will never ever ever ever look down on those ANTM contestants ever, ever again. because today, i learned that..

it is fucking hard to be a model.

or maybe the theme i was trying to deliver for a first-timer was crazy-insane-hard. sigh. for all you lost lambs (no mary, not you. lol.) right now who don't know what the fuck i'm talking about, today i worked as a part-time model for hoyu (a japanese hair product company), and i was given the role of "autumn". which meant that i had heavy eye make-up, a bronzed up tone to my face and wild curls which are tinted brown and red.

the wind was blowing from all directions and i had to JUMP, literally, on some occasions to make my hair bounce. i also had to maintain my "squinted-eyes-&-mouth-slightly-parted" expression the whole way. gahh. it was fucking hard, fucking tiring, but fucking fun, too! hahaha. :D

if given a chance, imma definitely be doing it again.

ha ha he he ha ha ho. (:

after the shoot ended (i was the first to shoot and first to go home. hahaha.), i went to the flyer to meet dee, mary and reen. :D gosh i miss those girls so much! i miss mairah like fucking hell, too! but no worries. imma see her tomorrow! hehee!

met the girls only for a short while. *pout* dee took the bus to meet her boyf, while reen, mary and i walked towards city hall together. then dee took the train home and i followed mary to pasir ris. :D collected her stuff, sang under random void decks, witnessed 2 dogs mark their territories, had our nails done together, ate cinnamon melts together, (love, love!) and then i went back home. heh.

AKU LEPAS LAH BABEEESSXXXX! <3

only mary and i shall know.

nyehahaha!

i love this girl like no other sial. hahhahha. (:

dfvp ica 4 test tomorrow and i haven't touched any notes at all. either i won't be sleeping tonight, or i'll be sleeping really soon. hahahaha. sigh. when will i start getting serious?! blueargh.

on a much, much, much happier note..

yay yay yayness!

meeting baby after school tomorrow! :D

goodnight darlings!

i thought and wondered at 9:51 PM

"green eyes "

the eyes are turning green.

i wonder why.

i thought and wondered at 12:20 AM

Monday, July 13, 2009

"cookies and cream "

"i love you, cookies."

- *insertnamehere*

it's funny how he ended up calling me cookies.

and it's bloody cute, too. heh. (:

anyway, another post to show these two pictures!

check out the red highlights. ;D

okay dah best bye. haha. :D

i thought and wondered at 11:37 PM

"with you. "

"and i need you boo

i gotta see you boo"

i don't want to. but i am. i can't let myself. but i am. i shouldn't. but i will.

sigh.

today.

if you consider sitting in a chair for 9 hours straight (with a hairstylist working his magic on your hair the whole way; dying your hair all sorts of different colours, and perming it and straightening it and whatnot) fun, then today was awesome.

I HAVE RED HIGHLIGHTS NOW!

WHOOOH! I LOIKEEE! <3

can nyp please excuse my highlights? :(

cause i really, really want to keep them.

kenny was really professional today. despite the fact he kept screwing up, lol. but i think i've already started disliking some of the other stylists/models. i'm almost wanting to practice like hell today so that i can outshine them. though i know i won't be able to. sigh. shit. i'm fucking nervous now. how the fuck am i to pose like them?

and celia goes:

"be sexy, yet innocent. sensual, but sweet."

i need a MAJOR confidence booster, right about now.

or maybe i just need a hug from baby. ):

i didn't feel too good about skipping school today. and i'm skipping again, tomorrow. shit shit. but thank God there's only a lesson tomorrow. boo. even that, i don't feel good skipping. bluearghs. fuck laaaaa.

met mary just now. we were randomly lepaking at bedok. wow. of all places, huh? we ate at kfc, and man, it's been 28373284723652 decades since i last ate there. haha. as usual, mary and i were having laughing fits throughout the time we were together. how can i not love my twin? ;) MARY ALJOFERI, I LOVE YOU LAH! hahaa. <3

i slept in the train on the way home like a tired motherfucker. i bet i looked horrible. with the ipod blasting and my hair all messily bun-ed up. but, i didn't even catch a wink of sleep the whole of last night. how can i not, not be tired? :(

bubble tea session with julie thereafter.

i love that girl.

she never fails to crack me up. heh. (:

dfvp test on wednesday. imma be bringing my notes along tomorrow to study as i get ready. fuck lah. i'm going to execute mission impossible 5 tomorrow. i hope all goes well. i don't want to screw this. i've screwed up enough in my life. enough is freaking enough.

anyway.

i'm going to be bimbotic.

and say this:

"i'm off to catch my beauty sleep now, ya'll." hah.

wish me luck darlings.

p/s: i miss you too baby. i miss you too..

i thought and wondered at 10:00 PM

"i'm in love with you "

yesterday night..

was awesome. (:

mairah love.

i've said what i needed to say to you through the phone.

i love you. and nothing can change that, okay?

please. please. please cheer up.

i'll try to meet you after the shoot today, love. *hugs*

work at ikea yesterday was quite short. i love hanis! haha. ouh, and i cut my right index finger because of that stupid scotch tape thingy, and it still hurts. fuck ittttt. but you kissed it better. (: muchhhh better.

to you, (yes, you):

hahahaa. there's not much to say to you, actually. because you probably know everything i'm about to say. but anyway, thanks. for being with me the whole night. for making jokes like, forevaaaa and making me laugh every single time, successfully. (: the night was great. many things i can't say here, but we both know how great it was. and it doesn't matter what we do or what we don't do. because we know that we have each other.

"you barged in the door and i let you in."

baby, i love you. (:

- cookies

off to get ready for the shoot. man, i'm shagged. gahhhhh.

i thought and wondered at 8:05 AM

Sunday, July 12, 2009

"i dont want to go to work "

i'm feeling sickkkkkkkkk.

and i think it's because we were caught in the rain yesterday. crap. darling-lings.. we all know how fucking weak my immune system is, don't we? sigh. okay. temperature's 37.4 degrees celcius. that's okay, right? :D okay good.

anyway, back's hurting like fuck.

and iunno if it's my kidney or my back.

let's hope it's the latter.

no wait. let's hope it's neither.

i have work later, and i really really want to go. because i feel bad for not even informing them of yesterday. but i'm sick. and if i have to scan those items and bend down over and over again and whatnot.. now that, will be a sucky feeling. a really fucking sucky feeling. a fucky feeling.

sigh.

i had a great dream of *insertnamehere*.

i am so looking forward to this week. really truly am. (:

the only thing i'm looking forward to today is the movie with *insertnamehere* after work. but imma be shagged, and reach home late. and i still have that thing for tomorrow. ouh goshies. i'm going to be a fucking busy woman, aren't i? sheeeeesh-a!

i want to go sheesha.

i want to go karaoke.

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE FREAKING BRING MEEEEEEEEEEEE.

on another note:

i miss divya and julie jeff.

shall meet up with them soon. <3

i shall be going to work and explain my idiocy yesterday. actually, there's nothing much to say. but yeah. i shall be a good girl and hold in the pain that my body experiences, so that i can earn money for my fucking self. fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

26th june, please come soon. i don't want to entertain never-ending lines of shitty customers anymore. :(

goodbye babies!

p/s: hidayah sajali! your bangle is with meee! tsk tsk. hahahaa. yay! an excuse to meet up! hahahaha. whoo whoo whoo!

i thought and wondered at 12:13 PM

Saturday, July 11, 2009

"happy happy happy! "

shit. i think i'm falling for you.

but i don't want to.

and i don't know why...

-----

I HAD A GREAT DAY TODAY. (:

thank you: hidayah, haiza & maisurah for the wonderful day out. for planning today for weeks in advance. for bringing along the bubble solution. for buying pink disney princesses party hats for the picnic party. for having a "pink" theme for the party! x) for making me feel happy and loved. for being stupid and high with me. for tolerating how much i've changed. xP ALAH. SUSAH-SUSAH AJE. tsk. in general, thank you, for being such great bestfriends. (:

3 parts to today.

part 1: picnic at botanic gardens.

part 2: movie at orchard's cathay.

part 3: fireworks at marina square.

part 1:

the girls actually surprised me there because i didn't even know where i was going (until hidayah gave me a pink flower in the train). it was great because i had great company, great food (maisurah's sandwiches were the BOMB. haha.) and great drinks. hahahaha. (:

they had a whole set up for me, and the balloons were pretty.

and i love them so. hahaha.

part 2:

onion ring-ed at burger king while waiting for the movie to start. watched "obsessed", and boy is that movie full of action. hahaha! i was literally shouting vulgarities throughout the movie because that bitch-woman was making my darah up (blood level shoot up - it's a malay expression for getting angry). hahahahaa.

but it was a good show. 3/5 stars. (:

watching a movie tomorrow so i'll blog about both movies tomorrow.

part 3:

the girls and i wanted to watch the fireworks, but it ended up raining cats and dogs. pfffft. we were screaming and shouting like crazy motherfuckers, and when we went back up the slope, we realised that the whole stretch of people were staring (jaws-open) at us. hahahahaha.

embarrassing moment. but it was nice nonetheless.

pictures are up at facebook.

i love my girls. (:

work tomorrow. i am so going to get screwed. gahhhhh.

-----

julie jeff + shareefah on the day we officially became cool. lol. (:

a picture that's long overdue. heh.

i thought and wondered at 11:16 PM

"2 balls with one fact. "

OMG.

we're talking about 2 totally different guys.

but i still didn't know that he was attached.

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

SIGH. OKAY, IMMA MAKE IT BIG AND CLEAR HERE OKAY? FUCK ALL THOSE ATTACHED GUYS, GOING AROUND TEXTING/CALLING/CONTACTING OTHER GIRLS, AND ACTING AS IF THEY'RE SINGLE WHEN THEY'RE NOT.

they should get shot by nazis a million times over, and get raped by dinosaurs.

i really didn't know la seh.

and, being "attached" isn't JUST a status.

it's a commitment, dammit.

go to hell, ***.

i thought and wondered at 1:24 AM

"sidetrack 2 "

sidetrack:

my back. is hurting like fuck again.

and there's all that fuss about h1n1. i don't mind tahan-ing this pain seh. rather than stay at home for 1 whole freaking week. sigh.

six seven eight triple nine eight two one two..

baby just made me smile. (:

p/s: refer to tuesday july 7th's entry "p/s 3". because i'm really sick of people assuming shits.

p/s 2: CAN'T MY LIFE GET ANYMORE DRAMATIC? gahhhhhhhh. dah ah. nak stay single and not swinging forever ah! tsk!

i thought and wondered at 12:35 AM

Friday, July 10, 2009

"hello jannah! :D "

hello there jannah. :D

okay, well, firstly, i'm not from engineering, so don't worry about that.

secondly, i'm not chasing any guys? o.O

thirdly, your boyfriend, or whose ever boyfriend you're talking about, clearly is an asshole, because any guy i'm contacting have said that they are single. so...

i swear i didn't know anything man.

and if you want to start a war with me, at least get your facts right, first? but no worries. the misunderstanding has been cleared and i won't layan(entertain) that asshole anymore, okay? so kindly get your perception of me right, because i didn't even fucking know. but i just called him, and NOW i know. tsk tsk tsk.

so tell your friend that i'm sorry.

tell her (and yourself) to please, please, please not jump to conclusions okayyyy? sheeeeesh. anyway, peace no war? but thanks for telling me, though. cause i really didn't know. tsk. i'm like freaking shocked right now. sial ahhh. why would i want to like, layan him if i knew he was attached?! but anyway, sorry yeah.

tsk. i myself hate girls who do this to other girls' boyfriends.

so i understand your point-of-view.

but to shoot me like that at my tagboard, without knowing everything or rather, anything?

that's kinda baseless and crude. x)

but. i'm at peace. still at peace. :D

*this part julie goes: shai, stop being baik seh.*

hahahahahahaa. :P

(inside joke la dey.)

oh, and if you want to know anything, then just tag me your email or something aite? but really, it's just either a case of misunderstanding, or her boyfriend is one gatal asshole. so, yeah.

no worries.

i obviously won't layan him already.

and upon discussion with my darlings, i've reached a conclusion.

this is a classic stupid case of:

1. a misunderstanding

2. a gatal guy

3. a rashly-acting girl

4. a clueless girl

sigh.

on another note, tagboard kecoh! lol.

-----

foreign bodies was fun! i love the girls, i love the seniors, i love the music, i love the dance steps, i love the environment. oh no wait, scratch that. i don't like the environment. it's always so squeeeeeeezy! i keep hitting people, or people keep hitting me. hahahahaa.

really, they should make a BIGGGGG dance studio or something. talking about dance studios, I MISS RIVERSIDE'S STUDIO! oh my God lah. it's been 324982346 years since i last went to riverside. and my testimonial and o'level certificate are still with them. lol!

i just wasted $50 today. T_T

mary goes: "think long term shar. think long term."

day out with my much-missed-darlings tomorrow! i absolutely cannot wait. :D

p/s: if you fall for somebody else while you're still attached, then you're clearly an asshole. no excuses for that.

i thought and wondered at 10:44 PM

"my lips like sugar "

i feel like walking in the rain right now.

iunno why.

but i just feel like it.

i feel like listening to my ipod, as i walk with my hood up, hands in my pockets.

it's freaking cold in this room. i'm wearing double layer long-sleeved tops, and i still feel cold. dammit. what's wrong with this room. sheeesh. okay, i just checked macsharee's weather forecast. today's lowest temperature is 24 degrees. sigh! little wonder..

it's such a depressing day. =/

or maybe it's just me.

-----

i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie. i want to watch a movie.

jom, kite gi tengok movie? :(

i can't wait to go to eastcoastpark next week. :D

i can't wait for MONDAY+TUESDAY! hee hee heee!

it's going to be a totally new experience for me, and imma have as much fun as possible. imma make it the best learning experience ever, and i'll be sure to bring along my camera so i'll be able to update here. :D ouh gosh. i really am excited! hee heeee!

and of course..

i can't wait to meet my darlings tomorrow! (:

i really hope i don't end up doing some random thing. but i have all the faith in the three of them, and i know they won't let me down. nyehehehehh! :D it's the first time we didn't celebrate my birthday on the day itself, but exactly one week later will have to do. since i was so busy getting *insertwordhere*. x)

what kind of person are you? because you know that i won't commit until you tell me all the reasons why i should. until you show me everything i want to know. and you should know. you should know that i don't want to fall for the wrong person. not ever again. twice bitten, thrice shy.

-----

in the library during break now, and reen and dee just told me that i look like a dead piece of fucking shit. hahaa. okay, no, they didn't say that. i just added the words after "dead" to exaggerate my case. lol. so a few tears and not sleeping well DOES have effects on your face! hahahaa. anyway. here's how i looked like yesterday:

cheery, happy, and definitely not dead. i look.. sweet, almost. hahaa! x)

and here's me during tutorial just now:

gosh i'm looking like a fucktard. okay, wait, i know. i'm looking worse than that. =/

sigh.

love can bring so much pain.. even when it feels like what you have is the most wonderful and perfect thing ever in your life. i'm never going to look at love the same way again. i won't allow myself to. it hurt too much. it just hurt too much. to all babygirls and babyboys, please please please, don't get heartbroken anymore.. love's supposed to be an out-of-body experience that brings you warmth and a sense of belonging..

once you blur the line between those two Ls, everything will get out of hand. you're going to lose yourself, and you're going to hurt every single day wondering when it'll end.

"you see love at first is summertime

that's when you think that everything's fine

no one ever thinks it's gonna end

but when things go wrong and winter comes

you're gonna need to run to someone

left alone you'll just freeze up again

but you should know

when it gets too cold

you're not alone

i'll melt the snow..."

- shayne ward

foreign bodies in the evening. i can't wait! yippee yippee yay!

p/s: i'm really scared. i'm really scared of falling all over again. aren't you?

i thought and wondered at 10:53 AM