i bought a diary yesterday (even though i'm fucking broke).
and i made another private blog.
(this one of which none of you know about. really.)
so that explains the silence here. i will however update happenings from my life.
random updates okay?
i'll update a proper update soon.
but just not right now.
so in point-form; here goes.
1. i screwed lunchtime performance up. big time.
2. kakak bought an asus laptop which she will be getting in 2 weeks' time. the specs are fucking good, i tell you!
3. i've been very disappointed with the modern dancers because they're being whiny. and as a dancer, if you're whiny, you might as well stop dancing, fuck the hell off and go paint or something. (more on this later; because i feel like it.)
4. i've never been the type of person to hold on to something that won't work out. so if this - if we - don't work out, imma be damnnnnn pissed off with myself.
5. i still haven't finished reading tempted. yes, that's how busy i am.
6. i've realised that some people are not who they think you are. they're really just hypocrites. fucking, fucked up hypocrites.
7. i am sick of the world judging on appearances. like, OH.MY.GOD. just because you're pretty doesn't mean you're the best girl around. i really feel like smacking shallow-minded people sometimes.
8. mum and stepdad sent me home just now. i miss dad.
9. sitex is on now, and i secretly wish that my dad knew about this blog so he'd buy me a new ipod nano and a canon eos 500d. though i know he's probably angry at me right now. (i didn't even wish him selamat hari raya.)
10. 19 more days til you leave, and iunno whether i should be sad. you don't even seem to care. should i care?
11. i hate my seniors in ikea. they're fucking assholes.
12. i hate fir.
13. met a new colleague called desmond at work today, and he really is cute. not in appearance-wise. as in, character wise. and he sure has manners. he was speaking to me quite softly for a guy. i know this part syamil screams: "GAYYYYYYYYY." and doreen will follow with: "in your FACE! gayboyyyyy!" hahhaa. sorry, random.
14. i'm supposed to sleep now, but i'm sad.
15. i'm not supposed to be sad.
16. i want a new macbook.
17. iun care what any of you are thinking now.
18. eecha came over in the morning. i can safely say she likes my company more than kakak's. and i have no idea why. maybe cause i can end up doing stuff. she was using a pencil with a bobbing lion head as its tip that mummy bought for her to hit me. my knuckles, actually. and boy, did it fucking hurt.
19. work tomorrow. work every weekend. i envy all you #@%$^@#$!$%#* who don't have to work. the things i could spend my time doing if i weren't working...
20. i love ice blast. (:
back to point number 3. the modern dancers, and dance. basically, i am sick of having to teach and choreograph steps for a bunch of people who don't even appreciate what i'm doing for them. all of us have been talking about dancing together again since, like, forever, and now that an opportunity for us to do so has been handed to us, they're not putting their hearts and souls in it. iunno, maybe i am expecting too much.
but i know for sure, my sarcasm level with them has reached an all-time high.
everytime i "joke", i'm actually being a very bitchy bitch. either they don't realise it, they're too stupid to realise it, or they're trying their hardest not to think the worst of me. whichever it is, it's sad, really. because i think the only way they'll wake up is when they realise how sucky they are at hiphop. they have no fucking right to say anything about my seniors or cca (foreign bodies). the four of them might have taken triple sciences in riverside, but no matter how academically inclined they are, what i know for sure is that they don't know how to dance hiphop for any fucking nuts.
my blood still boils whenever i recall what one of them said.
"eww, their t-shirts are so disgusting."
i hadn't realised what she said and had agreed with her at first. until i realised she was talking about the foreign bodies' cca t-shirt. like hello?, nobody asked for your fucking opinion. you don't even know fashion or hiphop for nuts, so don't open your fucking fucked up mouth to comment. i swear, that part pissed me off the most. and that's the very same t-shirt that i'm striving towards for. the t-shirt that i'm hoping will reignite a bigger spark for my passion towards dance. the spark that will make me go all-out again.
that's how important it is to me.
that's how much i respect foreign bodies.
that's how much i love dance.
if you're whiny, and cry every single time you can't do a step, you're no different from a whiny diarrhea-based piece of shit. because dancers don't give up just like that. what HAVE you been learning as a dancer?!
and don't talk to me about hiphop foundation.
i never had formal trainings either.
what i learnt was from sap, and by watching videos.
both of which you can do. (sap, being me.)
OH B.T.W., THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIRLS' HIPHOP AND K-POP AND J-POP. THE FORMER IS FOR COOL PEOPLE LIKE ME AND MY PEEPS FROM FOREIGN BODIES. THE LATTER ONES, ARE FOR LOSER IDIOTS LIKE YOU WHO JUST COPY CHOREOGRAPHY OFF MVS ANYWAY.
and while we're on this topic... what is up with people insulting dance?! if you can break into a groove like the rest of us can, i'd understand that you'd think you're as good as us. but if you can't even FEEL the music, what right do you have to call yourself a dancer?
in fact, i've always hated it whenever ANYBODY insulted dance. be it my dad, my mum, my siblings, or my friends. fuck you _|_. you don't know how important dance is to me. i once used to say: "i'd rather die than to not be able to dance." i can proudly say that i'll standby that statement, even now - even after realising how precious life is. even when i skip fb's practice slots and trainings, i'll be at home or republic poly dancing and choreographing. my whole life has revolved around dance.
that's why.
that's why you're not a dancer.
because your heart just gives up.
goodnight.
p/s: i probably don't mean 95% of whatever i typed in this entry, but my anger got the better of me. whatever it is, i want to remind myself of events that happened in my past.
p/s 2: i've always thought you were childish. and your sense of fashion sucks, btw. not that it should even be called a fashion sense. (:
p/s 3: selamat hari raya aidiladha to all muslims reading this.
