my thoughts and wonders.

i want somebody to kill me;
will you?

mytsandws. ♥

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sharifah raihanah
sherryfah. (sha. shar. shai. nana.)
foreign bodies. ex-asc. fcps. rss. nyp/sbm - media studies & management. cotton on. cancer. hates her own kind, including you.

sharaihanah@hotmail.com

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Saturday, October 31, 2009

"tempted "

I HAVE IT.

hah. tell me something, and it'll be that, this just proves that iun need a guy to get what i want. haha! i mean, let's face it. guys can't even support themselves. no matter how hot a guy is, i say, he should stop drooling over that girl who he wants and start working to get some moolahs, bitch.

then they'll defend this theory by saying that: "but then the girl will only love me for my money, and material stuff."

i'll rebut by saying: "but if you love her, would you want her to work her ass off? to earn moolahs that support herself, and now you as well, because you don't work? and wouldn't you want her to be happy by buying her stuff that she wants? or do you want to be a loser with a girlfriend supporting you instead of otherwise?"

hmm...

food for though, ey?

i need a guy who's independent.

yeah, that's what i need.

off to read tempted, and then maybe out for awhile.

work, and then a sleepover at mary's tomorrow! yay! (:

I CAN'T WAIT FOR MONDAY. whooh!

i thought and wondered at 9:21 PM

"I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT! "

FUCK! I WANT THIS BOOK SO BADLY.

yes, i'm weird and different.

while everybody is reading teenage drama love novels and whathaveyounots, i'm reading novels about vampires and loving them. even if it's as out of the world as the house of night series. heh.

the previous 5 books are with saiful though.

and i want them back so fucking badly.

because i want to re-read them over again, before reading this one.

but fuck it, i think i'm heading over to causeway's popular with fairuz to get it later. yay yay yay!

BUT I STILL WANT MY BOOKS OKAY, SAIFUL.

thank you very very muchhh. (:

oh! fairuz is having his soccer match as i type this!

i hope they're winning... :D

AHHHH. I WANT THAT BOOK NOW LAH. FUCK. I FEEL SO FIDGETY! LIKE, I CAN'T STOP SHAKING UNTIL I GET IT! AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS EXACTLY HOW I AM LIKE WHEN I WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY. HAHAHHAA.

fuck, i'm not even making sense anymore.

should i read the first chapter online?

if i do, i'll go crazy! i'd need to read the second chapter right after!

FUCKKKKKKKKKKK.

okay, that's it.

i'm going to causeway point RIGHT NOW.

- edited -

FUCKSHIT!

they don't have it in popular yet!

maybe borders? omg, i need to get my hands on this one.

really.

i thought and wondered at 4:41 PM

"hello and goodbye. "

the way you touch.. the way you feel.. the way you kiss.. the way you smell.. the way you hug.. the way you smile.. the way you laugh.. are all the ways of an angel.

-----

today is the last day the whole world can see my blog.

perhaps, i'll make it public again.

but it definitely won't be in the near future.

i know it sounds childish. immature, almost. but i have to do this because iun want to be hurting anybody. why? because you can't get hurt by things that you don't know.

for example, i was hurt when i found out that firdaus was attached. was i hurt before i got to know he was attached? no. but the stabbing pain in my heart started when i realised that he was attached. heh..

so basically, hurtful things you don't know of won't be able to hurt you, no matter how hurtful they are. the best way to protect yourself from getting hurt is to stay ignorant. to stay clueless is virtue. to not think of anything. to not over-think. to not even care.

so that's what i'll aid you in doing. (:

less than 20 invited readers.

but it's okay, i can always edit the list. hehhhhh.

i can't wait for tomorrow! whooh!

i might update again tonight.

just because i feel like it.

wheeeeee~

i thought and wondered at 3:24 PM

Friday, October 30, 2009

"anything but this "

TODAY: was the most awesomest day, ever.

well, except the part where i had to let the class see my video on youtube. heh. what video am i talking about? i'm talking about the video that you'll find at the end of this entry. (: it's one of shariff's assignments that we had to do. and i agree with husayn. i sounded so sarcastic throughout the entire video, i should be failed for it. haha! (kidding, kidding.)

anyhoo, overslept, and ended up skipping the first class.

okay, i will not fucking oversleep again. i swear. =/

went to school and boy, was today a good day. after school i was with the girls, and i finally found my very own campus eyecandy. O.M.G. okay, lemme break it down for you guys. doreen wanted to see me dance, so she starting playing songs on her cellphone. and so i started dancing, and then there was this group of guys who walked past. and OMG, the cutest guy from the group kept looking back at me and smiling! SMILING! x)

hahahahaha!

okay, i know i sound like a total bimbo right now.

but iun care! because i was so happy just now!

after that something else happened, too. but i think if i continued my story, you'd spam-hate-tag my tagboard for the last day that it'll be public. haha! i mean, you probably have enough disgust to hate tag my blog already. but i really don't mind, because today is the first day in a LONGGGG time since i felt so happy! trust me, the girls would know. :D

BBP. BBP. BBP. BBP. BBP. BBP. BBP. BBP. BBP. BBP. BBP. BBP. BBP.

haha.

hehe.

haha.

HO! x)

i know you've been coming to my blog every single day to see if i've updated or not. but trust me, there's nothing to update about. and this part you'll snigger or go: "really meh...?" haha!

and i want to blog about my opinion of love so badly right now, but i wouldn't want to give you the wrong impression of me righttttt. so, imma blog about it only after this blog has been privatized. which will be from SUNDAY onwards! :D

alright, i'm going out to comfort a friend who just went through a break up, so don't miss me! and i really do mean it - i really am going to privatize this blog. (:

as promised, the retarded video. (:

HAHAH!

have a nice weekend everybody. (:

toodles!

i thought and wondered at 8:00 PM

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

"now everybody knows "

it's no surprise.

it's been a long time since i cried til my eyes got swollen and red like that.

LAST CALL: for invited readers.

i thought and wondered at 10:28 PM

"MARINA BAY. "

FUCK OFF.

FUCK YOU.

FUCK AWAY.

FUCK SHIT!

i'm in class, i've had practically only 3 hours of sleep every 24 hours for the past month, i'm pms-y, i've just got lied to by you, and you, and you, i don't see a reason why i should smile right now. so fuck you and fuck off.

irritating how you act like everything's okay.

you're in self-denial. a contradicting bitch.

read them over again. you'll understand what i mean.

in class now.

i'll continue later.

i'm not satisfied yet.

i thought and wondered at 10:08 AM

"how i'm meant to feel "

that's what you get

no sir

well i don't wanna be the blame, not anymore
it's your turn

so take a seat we're settling the final score
and why do we like to hurt so much?

i can't decide
you have made it harder just to go on
and why, all the possibilities where i was wrong

that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
i drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating
and that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

i wonder, how am i supposed to feel when you're not here
cause i burned every bridge i ever built when you were here
i still try holding onto silly things, i never learn
oh why, all the possibilities i'm sure you've heard

that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
i drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating (beating)
and that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

pain make your way to me, to me
and i'll always be just so inviting
if i ever start to think straight
this heart will start a riot in me
let's start, start, hey!

why do we like to hurt so much?
oh why do we like to hurt so much?
that's what you get when you let your heart win
whoa.....

that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
now i can't trust myself with anything but this
and that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

- paramore

everything i need to say right now is in this song.

to each and every one of you. to everybody.

everything is in this song.

everything.

i thought and wondered at 2:33 AM

Sunday, October 25, 2009

"when do you think it will all become clear? "

FUCK MY LIFE.

i want to do my assignments, but i'm not sure how to. gah.

shariff's video assignment, and the "poa" cms assignment, and also the latest assignment.

i've only done azhar's. =/

-----

work yesterday was fun! why? because fir was only 1 counter away from me, and i wasn't feeling bored at all. perhaps if fir wasn't there, and i was all alone at the last counter, i'd die from boredom. but that wasn't the case yesterday. oh! there was music playing til about 6.30pm because of a roadshow, and both fir and i agreed that if those kinds of music were played throughout the day, we'd be much happier while working. :D

work from 3.30pm - 11pm today. dinner-ing at 7pm! yayness. (:

gahh. no mood to blog already.

i wonder why.

WORK WORK WORK = MONEY MONEY MONEY.

not for you. what the fuck. i don't work for you.

i work for my fucking self.

so stop being a stupid sore JANTAN loser, and go earn your own moolahs.

don't expect me to pay for everything.

pathetic sissy pukified-jantan bitch.

p/s: my blog will be privatized with effect from 1st november 2009. if you want to be an invited reader, please do tag me your email. thanks.

p/s 2: i couldn't turn you down through msn or sms. and i was on the phone when you called. AND i know you'll be reading this. but anyhoo, i'll be really busy from this week onwards, so, i can't watch the movie with you. sorry!

i thought and wondered at 12:33 PM

Saturday, October 24, 2009

"fuckloads of diamonds "

HELLO SINGAPORE.

i am feeling tired and sleepy right now. tired because of all the non-stop WHACKZHOUSE practices that we had, and of course, the actual event yesterday evening. sleepy because i've been having 3-hour sleeping time every single day since school started. iunno if whatever little cheery mood i have inside me can last me the whole day. i'm working later on in the evening (boo) but I MISS IKEA. gawdddd. it's been two weeks since i last went to work. =.=

i miss a particular person so much.

he thought i'd literally fuck a person for the canon EOS 500D. =.=

eh boy. you think you cute ah?

hahahahahaa.

anyway, i should be updating about how yesterday's long-awaited performance went, but instead i'm blogging about things you wouldn't want to know. hmm...

in the morning, darling sister accompanied me to look for black shorts for the performance, and i found one, but realised that i bought it only because i was desperate for a pair of shorts to wear for the performance. (and it's non-returnable/exchangeable too.) hmpfh. met my darling hidayah thereafter and ended up spending more than a hundred within 1 hour. crap my shithead lah. but had a great time with that goon. thanks babe, for accompanying me! (:

met the fai-ter after that and he sent me to schoooooool. (:

everything fast-forwarded when i reached school. we practiced, and moved to the studio, practiced some more, and then changed to our attire. and BOY, did we look cool. :D (more on this later.) rushed to the studio, and the girls didn't even have time to apply make up! =.= oh B.T.W, SORRY ZAINUL! hahahahahaa! (inside joke.) i brought the make up stuff to the amphitheater but i didn't bring my e1 along. =.= so yeah, i ended up not taking the video of our performance. KNNCCB.

anyway, the remaining of this entry will be dedicated to all whackerz in the whackzhouse. (:

MARY:

thank you so fucking much for... always sharing the same viewpoints as me. always buying the group drinks. always being the mother of the group, getting us on track when we started drifting off to random topics. always laughing WITH (not AT) me. always sharing the same jokes and laughing non-stop because of them. always making me smile with your "FUCK MY LIFE" and "CHEEBONGX" moments. hahah! also, thank you for staying up til 6am on the day of the performance just to help us cut our WHACKZHOUSE red tee to make us look as beautiful as you. (: thank you, mary.

RACHEL:

(also known as la-chel - pronounced LAH-SHELL.) haha! thank you for... all your random high moments; always going crazy and being the mood lifter when all of us are feeling tired or sick or really shagged. always speaking so fast that you sometimes confuse me. x) always bitching about people we both know because we're in the same course. nyehahaa! always smacking my butt when you felt like it because you're such a pervertic woman. hahaha! always being as dramatic as me whenever we get high; the random mandarin conversations. (: thank you, rachel.

WENLYNN:

thank you loads for... always texting me to ensure i know where practice is. always making me laugh with your contagious laughter that can go on the longest amongst all of us.. x) always amazing me with how you like your drinks mixed. (it's never only one favour. haha!) always turning up for practice early or punctually! always saying how much you love whackzhouse. (: always asking me to teach you how to shake cause i love shaking! hahaa. :P always being a friend whenever i needed one. (: thank you, wenlynn.

ZAINUL:

thank you la eh, for... being our group leader. you handled things well although you could have done better in terms of taking control of the group. at some parts we really slacked because we had no discipline. =.= but that wasn't really your fault. it was all 7 of ours' fault. (: anywayyy. you were a great leader. thanks for that. thank you for always letting us have breaks because you understand that we're human beings. for understanding that i was sick 75% of the time we were practicing and for letting me rest when i was really weak. and for being spontaneous when we started conversing like mat-minah. hahahaa! (: thank you, zainul.

ZEN:

"clouds filled with stars cover your skies...~" ahahaha! thank you zenny-zen for... always being so dedicated to dance. choreographing most of the steps, and refining them thereafter. being the tallest so you could stand in the front for the "bounce" part. x) being such a versatile dancer - you could be a b-boy when you wanted to, a popper when you wanted to, a mannequin when you wanted to. thank you for teaching me how to b-girl. i WILL have practices with you so i'll get used to it. hee! (: thank you, zen.

DION:

hehehehe. thank you for... always thinking out of the box for the whole dance. editing our steps and formation to make them nicer and sharper. sharing your viewpoints with us as a group, and stressing over every single detail to make it as nice as possible. always saying your: "eh, can ah can ah can ah!" even though you probably don't notice it. haha! (: thank you, dion.

i still remember the day mary and i got punk'd by zen and dion. urgh. i still remember the first day we chatted with each other on msn. i still remember the first time we met up at macdonald's. without mary, because she was away at thailand. i still remember the practices we had, the dilemma we went through.. i love all 6 of you! may we have a chance to dance together as a group again in the future. (:

WHACKZ IN THE HOUSEEEE! ;)

oh, and i'd like to say a very big fucking sorry if i offended any of you during this past month that we've been dancing together. sorry for being sick most of the time. sorry if i didn't give my all during practices. sorry for laughing too much. sorry for singing too much. sorry for always being vulgar. sorry for everything la kay? i hope we'll have the opportunity to dance together again in future. (: oh and girls? you owe me 10 bucks each. nyehahahaa!

okay, off to meet julie then work. :D

good day, everybody!

p/s: i din manage to take pictures with my e1, but there were LOADS of pictures taken. therefore, i'll be sure to upload them as soon as possible. (:

p/s 2: i was sitting at the exact spot we always sit at the amphitheater yesterday and i realised that i'm glad i've lost it all. (:

i thought and wondered at 11:28 AM

Friday, October 23, 2009

"brown eyes "

i am sad. :(

look at how fake my eyes look with coloured lenses on! i bought my very first 2 pairs of coloured lenses today (grey and blue), and i was so excited that i tried it on as soon as i reached home. hahahahaa!

click on the picture above, and you'll realise that the outer area is grey, while the centre is hazel-brown. =.= what the fucking fuck siaaaaaaa. i want my baby grey eyes back. so if i wear grey lenses it wouldn't look so fake. :(

okay, i need to sleep.

a long day ~~tomorrow~~ today, and work over the weekend.

when will i ever have time for my family and friends?

i thought and wondered at 1:17 AM

Thursday, October 22, 2009

"i wished you got knocked down by a car and never wake up. simply put, i wish you died. (: "

what is your fucking problem with me?!

i won't say your name, and i won't even mention anything about you because it'll be obvious who you are if i do - i want this entry to be as vague as possible. but honestly, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM!?

warning: this entry will be full of words from "a very angry MELAYU sherry", so if it sounds a bit minah-ish, don't mind me.

who the fuck are you to blog about me like that? who the fucking fuck do you think you are? please lah.. sedar sikit, yang muke kau tu bukan macam brad pitt or tom cruise or any other famous actor in this world. yang kau ni nak bual world sangat apasal? stepping kau ***** bagos sangat. please ah. tak pernah aku tengok orang lain lebih prasan dari kau.. step boleh nyanyi, boleh *****.. kau tu boleh belah ah.. dah lah sekeping papan.. stakat angin tiup je, kau dah melayang ah bodoh. AND BODOH, KAU TAKMO STEP BLOG A MESSAGE TO ME AH SIAL. padehal kau tukar url blog kau. wahh.. dengar2 aku leh bace blog kau lepas kau dah tukar link ah sial.. kalau nak blog about something like that to me, KAU TAG BLOG AKU SUDAH BABI. takya nak blog blog about it. and ape yang "don't act as if we're okay"? kau yang kental sangat, dah break tu sudah ah. asal kau nak dendam2 sangat? (stepping orang pemaaf konon. kau leh rilek one corner jauh2 sua boy.) kalau tak tau the whole story, takmo pandai2 spread around bende buruk pasal aku. faham? eh please ah boy. grow up lah. perangai budak primary 2 pun lebih matang dari kau nye perangai ah sial. oh! msn nick pun skarang smakin tak senonoh. stepping kau club je. please ah. kalau kau tu dah mat kental, jangan nak bual world. seriously DISGUSTING BODOH. *rolls eyes til next year*

but above all, you still deserve a thank you.

for making me realise that you're not worth missing.

you're not even worth shitting for.

that's how FUCKING WORTHLESS you are. (:

fucking over-sensitive fucked up sissy bitch.

i will not fight with anybody else because of you anymore. FUCK, i will not even mention your pathetic name anymore, because it has done nothing for me except ruin the high moods of my darling friends and sour relationships with everybody around me. so fuck you bitch, and fuck off. this entry will mark the end of me feeling ANYTHING at all towards you.

and i will not jeopardize any future relationships for you.

even he has the maturity to accept with grace that we have had a relationship and weren't able to work out. but you? you're still the same old pathetic you. no wonder i did what i did to you. HAHAAHAHAHAHA. (:

oh, go ahead and hate-tag this blog. seriously.

you only have 10 more days to do so.

i thought and wondered at 1:03 AM

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

"and the truth is hardest to face "

if you thought it's easy, you're wrong.

iun want to screw whatever opportunities my life has for me right now for you. iun want to end up falling for somebody who i know will not like me back. or rather, iun want to fall for somebody first. iun want to risk anything i have for something that's not real. iun want to base a non-existent relationship on something that's not love.

if you thought you're the only one who's hurting..

think again.

i thought and wondered at 11:06 PM

Sunday, October 18, 2009

"same script, different cast "

right now, i'm not feeling right.

right now, i feel like leaving you.

right now, iunno how i should react.

right now, i think we will get no where.

right now, i want to cry.

right now, i need a hug.

right now, i not only need a hug, but i need someone.

right now, iunno who's real and who's not.

right now, i feel like bleeding.

right now, i'm not okay.

i thought and wondered at 10:22 PM

"you know what? "

I'D FUCK YOU FOR THIS.

EVEN IF YOU WERE AS UGLY AS !@#!@$#%^@! OR IF YOU WERE A GIRL!

yes, that is how much i want that. shut up syafiq. i am feeling all photography lovey-dovey and i feel like walking out to take inspirational pictures of my corridor and nightlife! but i can't, cause my sister borrowed my e1. T_T

perhaps i could get it.

if i try really hard.

if i try really, really hard.

hmm.

let's just call it blackmail. (:

WISH ME LUCK.

XOXO

p/s: school's starting tomorrow! gahhhhhhhhhhhhh. can somebody shoot me in the head?

i thought and wondered at 8:02 PM

"sushi sushi "

ignore the expression. (:

i'm a happy girl today, because at first i was dreading work - after skipping it for 2 days, and being on leave yesterday, and not having an mc for the days that i skipped work. BUT THANKFULLY, fir called to say that i'm not working today because they thought i had applied leave for BOTH yesterday and today.

usually, i'd feel bumped out about this.

but today, i honestly just feel satisfied and thankful.

why?

because i'm still sick, and because i'm sniffling like nobody's business as i type this. what kind of customers would want to be served by a sniffling cashier, right? i mean, seriously? and perhaps i'm just not ready to see somebody at work yet. and as much as it'll hurt me, i'll still have to make that decision one day.. someday..

anyway.

i was watching videos on youtube and i came across alicia's latest single. and it's so fucking nice, i might cry now that i'm listening to it. i'll be damn sure to get the album which is going to be released this november. :D you should too. she's a great singer.

I WANT TO SING THIS SONG!

okay bye.

-----

as i walked in the rain

drops falling sharply on my skin

caressing the numbing pain

aided by the silent wind

it's over

p/s: if i'm just another girl to you. then what makes this different? what makes you different?

i thought and wondered at 12:31 PM

"the way you love "

iunno what i'd do without you in my life.

p/s: wish me luck.

i thought and wondered at 1:29 AM

Saturday, October 17, 2009

"happy 17th maisurah! "

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY MY DARLING MAI-MAI!

i know you are facing an ordeal, but what i'd like to assure you is that the three of us have got your back no matter what happens. i pray you face this difficult period in your time gracefully, like i know you should and would. thank you for being a wonderful best friend for 5 years now, and for being there for me through the times i needed you. i am happy and proud that you've matured so beautifully as a person and friend. (: all the best in your exco duties and future endeavors.

you are a very-much loved person. (:

oh, in case this entry and beng's isn't enough, we made this video for you! :D

(i've been trying to upload it onto facebook, but facebook is being a superbitch, and i can't log into my account. sidetrack: i guess he wasn't lying in the first place. hmm. sorry, anyway!)

much love, from the rest of the fab four. (:

just holla us up if you need some time out from everything that's been happening. and i sooo know you will be reading this. nyehahaa. i love you too much lah. see lah, one whole entry on you. :P

have a happy year being 17, love. (:

i thought and wondered at 10:34 PM

"THANK GOD IT WAS FRIDAY! "

jacket - panic wonderland. tanktop - topshop. jeans - metro. wedges - online buy.

SHUT UP.

1. i know my face looks fucked-up there. i was holding in my laughter! hahaa!

2. i know "i shouldn't post up full-length picture of myself anymore" but i think this picture is really nice, and fuck what you think.

3. perhaps a major reason why he ever got me for 2 years was because he is the only guy to grasp and understand the fact that i'm really sensitive about how i look and he was the only one to never say anything about how fat i look.

he never said i was mampat.

he never said i was fat.

he never said i was "berisi".

even if the first and third lines are usually better than being a stick-thin biatch.

because he knew how sensitive i was about this, and he took every effort to make me feel okay about it. he sang me praises even though i knew they were untrue. he avoided this topic because it made us fight a lot. he made me feel like the most beautiful creature on earth, even when i was wearing my nerd-glasses (yes, i wear glasses in case you didn't know), and even when my hair was all frizzy and shitty and even when my face was oily and even when i was dressed up like a nyonya, because i know he truly loved me for who i was. yes, was.

perhaps this is the reason why i'm not attached yet. nobody knows me enough. and i think nobody can ever know me enough if they met me online. because whatever i say or do online, or blog about, will never be enough for you to know sharifah raihanah well.

maybe i'm just being picky about who i want to be with.

but what i know is that what A DARLING FRIEND OF MINE said is true.

sidetrack: thanks for reminding me. (:

sigh.

i am not making sense.

OH, GO AHEAD, CRITIC THAT PICTURE. i'm going to privatise this blog anyway. so enjoy criticising me while you can. ugh. if it makes you happy so much, i might as well gain some goodwill by making you happy. haha.

*pout*

i need daniel.

GOOD FUCKING NIGHT.

p/s: pictures of ida's performance outing will be posted up soon! (:

p/s 2: i hope this entry doesn't make anything awkward over the phone. i just needed to say it, but i couldn't say it over the phone. sigh.

i thought and wondered at 2:39 AM

Friday, October 16, 2009

"appreciating. "

these made me happy today. (:

hehe. i know it's not true. but spare me the fake happiness i got from it. x)

the highest buzz rating i've gotten to date. and it's still increasing as i type! xD it's at 45.4 now. nyehhhh. i LOVE cafe world. you should too. hahaaha. 47.4 now! yayness! hahahahaa. okay, i shall get ready.

OMG, I JUST HAD TO PUT THIS UP:

hahaahahahaha!

okay best.

skipped dance today because i'm heading to esplanade for ida's performance (which i am so looking forward to! :D), and then probably sheesha with the crew. (:

saying things too fast will screw whatever chance you have with me.

if you know what i mean. heh.

goodday, darlings! (:

p/s: please take 5 mins to cite the Al-Fatihah for maisurah's granddad who passed away this morning. amin.

i thought and wondered at 5:05 PM

Thursday, October 15, 2009

"WRONG DAY. WRONG PERSON. WRONG TIME. "

FUCK YOU. I WAS TELLING J ABOUT HOW I WANTED TO BLOG SO BADLY ABOUT SOME PEOPLE WHO PISSED ME OFF ON THE WAY HOME, BUT I REALISE THAT THEY'RE NOT EVEN WORTH MY TIME. SO FUCK IT, IMMA JUST BLOG TO SAY THIS:

FUCK OFF.

I AM GOING TO PRIVATISE MY BLOG BY THE END OF THIS MONTH. IF I DON'T ASK YOU FOR YOUR EMAIL, AND I DON'T ENTERTAIN YOUR REQUEST TO BE ONE OF THE INVITED READERS, THEN FUCK OFF AND AWAY.

I AM SICK OF BEING NICE.

NOT HAPPY WITH ME OR WHATEVER I DO, THEN DON'T COME HERE. DON'T BE MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK. AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DON'T EVEN BE MY FRIEND IN REAL LIFE. MY LIFE WOULD BE 291813947328461726471324 TIMES BETTER WITHOUT YOU IN IT ANYWAY. SO FUCKING FUCK AWAY.

*breathes in*

*breathes out*

i haven't slept in more than 36 hours. i am pms-y. i am physically tired from everything i've been doing. and my health problems are taking its toll on me. so honestly, i am not in the mood right now.

just because you've been in the scene longer, it doesn't mean you're better. it doesn't matter what anybody else says. as long as you know that whatever they're saying isn't true, you will know that you have failed. and if you have done no wrong, whatsoever.. trust me, there's no need to be in the least even slightly affected by this post. like i said in my previous entry. you'll only feel guilty if you KNOW you've done wrong. ugh. i can't take being angry anymore. i need sleep.

goodfuckingnight bitches.

i thought and wondered at 10:25 PM

"cover of my twin sister's (rihanna) "disturbia" "

we spent ages on this one.

ages = more than 4 hours, and more than 50 times.

i had loads of fun though. (:

both mary and i are crazy-sick. as in, we are both unwell. but we were itching to do another song, and we randomly picked this one to do. (: perhaps we should have spent more time considering which song to do...

maybe you can suggest songs that we should do together?

my tagboard is there for a reason. heeeh.

anyway, this rendition sounds a little out of tune at some parts, but perhaps it's meant to be that way. hahaa! what i'm sure of though, is that we spent a lot of effort on it. (: hehe. i'm pretty sure we'll be coming up with a new video soon, though. this time round, with our faces bright and clear. hahaha! ;D

my back hurts.

i think i know why.

sigh.

please comment, and "like" the video on facebook if you like it. :D

good day, darlings!

p/s: it's fun talking to myself. isn't it? hmpfh.

i thought and wondered at 3:24 PM

"sherry = trouble "

omg!

i was trying to look for whackzhouse's new song, "trouble", and i came across this song which totally made me fall in love with it! hahaha.

perhaps you should sing it. (:

i haven't slept the whole night, and i'm heading to pasir ris soon, to create another marysherry ♥ production at mary's. hahaa. we haven't decided what song to sing yet though. (:

it's been a long time since i went on a date!

perhaps there'll be a fab four outing tomorrow, though!

i can't wait! ;)

okay, my turn to bathe!

good morning everybody!

- edited -

oh, and i dedicate this one to you. (:

yes, the one who sprained his thumb.

your biggest fan

i'm a real big, fan of yours
but im quite the joke to you
but ~~girl~~ boy it wasn't a joke when you kissed me in your ~~room~~ car
and replied "i love you too"
i'm a little bit insecure from all of these mistreatments
but see im workin it out
but workin it out is so damn hard when your alone

sha da da da da da...

i am running out of words to say to you
wondering why i'm wastin my time
thinking back and wondering why i'm such a fool
for loving you

and i get to the point where all i wanted was for us to make up
but it's not that easy
cause ~~girl~~ boy you move on so quickly
keepin a ~~boy~~ girl like me at the edge of ~~his~~ her seat
and i know everything you do is all about your perfect image
well i hope this song - it helps your image
hahaha

sha da da da da da
im so over you now

i am running out of words to say to you
wondering why i'm wastin my time
thinking back and wondering why i'm such a fool
for loving you

and i was the one who thought i was the strong one
you proved me wrong now i'm singing along to every song
on the radio i don't wanna go
come on baby tell me something i wanna know and i
don't wanna see what is on my mind
cause it's lack of motivation taking over my time
and i'm sick of trying
(all together now)

i am running out of words to say to you
wondering why i'm wastin my time
thinking back and wondering why i'm such a fool
for loving you

- never shout never

p/s: you could sing this song for me too. hah. i know.

i thought and wondered at 6:49 AM

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

"my eyes; they're on you "

marysherry(:

i am feeling better now!

shall i dance for you? :D

i thought and wondered at 11:29 PM

"finally. (: "

i guess i kinda dedicate this song to somebody out there.

i just unno who he is yet. (:

a 'proud' production by marysherry ♥ with not a single edit and whatnot.

raw, and our first duet together. so please be merciful with the critics. heh.

i love my best friend. (:

i thought and wondered at 2:05 PM

"gay pussy fuck. "

i realised something.

what?

that you're a gay pussy fuck. you can't even sing for nuts, so please, stop thinking that you can. you're not popular. not hot. not a darling. not smart. not cute. not attractive in any way at all. so please, get a freaking life instead of acting like you're the best "uh uh uh uh uh uh" in the world. (:

oh, i'm not saying that i'm all those mentioned.

i'm just saying that you should snap out of your deluded sick dream of yourself being all those mentioned. (:

-----

that (points above) goes out to somebody in particular, but absolutely nobody knows who. so please.. don't think it's you. but.. as the malay saying goes.. "siapa yang makan cili, dielah yang akan terasa pedasnya". (he who eats chili will suffer its spiciness.)

so, i'll leave it to you to guess who it's for. (:

p/s: it's 6.02am in the morning, and somebody got me all stressed up already. ugh.

i thought and wondered at 5:51 AM

Monday, October 12, 2009

"misconceptions "

people think i have it good.

people think i have it all within my grasp, just because i appear to be one of those type of girls who just "have it all".

people think i lead a great life effortlessly; with everything handed to me on a silver (or maybe even white gold) platter with encrusted diamonds all over.

well, people think wrong.

you don't know shit about me. so please, stop acting like you know everything. the fact that you don't know anything that i've went through to date, is enough to make me choke on my puke when you say you love me. it's enough to make me cringe in pain when you say you'll be there, cause you never are.

blade stained.

go ahead, judge me for things that i do. the way i handle situations and scenarios. judge me for the things that make me weak, because i have nothing left in me that's strong. he took it with him a long time ago, and he never returned. i know he never will, because mummy says so. he's moved on a long time ago, and nothing will be the same ever again.

fuck you if you were to tag me things like: "life is short/we should treasure everything we have/you need to appreciate everything you already have" .... because i already know this.

why is it that everytime i find somebody to run to, to replace him, something bad happens? it was like that in sec 2, and then again this year, and right now, iunno if i want to find somebody else. or if i could place enough trust on a single guy. how do you tell that one is genuine with his care and concern? how do you make the decision that would break others' hearts?

i do not have it simple.

i do not have it good.

as she lays in the pool;

she yearns for freedom

longs for satisfaction

begs for forgiveness

hopes for recognition

as she drowns in her tears

she musters a smile

run her hands through

chokes on her own bile

coughing life away

as she lays in the pool;

of her crimson red

i thought and wondered at 1:23 PM

"happy 333rd post! :D "

i. love. and. crave. cinnamon melts. :(

i want it now can?

my sweet tooth is aching so badly.

not literally lah.

i just need something sweet.

oh, it's 3.32am already.

i better get some sleep. nyeh.

goodnight world.

p/s: you know another thing i'm craving for? i'm craving for somebody. not a lot of bodies. just, ONE person to make me feel like i'm worth it. like i'm worth anything in the world. sigh. i need to love again.

i thought and wondered at 3:00 AM

Sunday, October 11, 2009

"time out "

remember this?

dancing

time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where i can fly
the depth of life will dim

my temptation to live for you

if i were to be alone

silence would

rock my tears
cause it's all about love

and i know better
how life is a waving feather

so i put my arms around you, around you

and i know that i'll be leaving soon
my eyes are on you, they're on you

and you see that i can't stop shaking

no i, won't step back

but i'll look down to hide from your eyes
cause what i feel is so sweet

and i'm scared that even my own breath

oh could burst it

if it were a bubble
and i'd better dream

if i have to struggle

so i put my arms around you, around you
and i hope that i will do no wrong
my eyes are on you, they're on you
and i hope that you won't hurt me

i'm dancing in the room as if i was in the woods with you
no need for anything but music
music's the reason why i know time still exists

time still exists
time still exists
time still exists

so i just put my arms around you around you
and i hope that i will do no wrong
my eyes are on you they're on you
and i hope that you won't hurt me

my eyes they're on you, they are on you

and i hope that i will do no wrong
my eyes are on you, they're on you
they're on you..

my eyes..

- elisa

-----

i spent the last 75 minutes listening to this song on repeat and crying. you know why? because the way elisa sang it truly touched my heart; my soul. and just like that, it made me regret a lot of things i've done in these past 10 months. i've been crying since the first time i heard the chorus, and iunno why i can't stop. =/

i have goosebumps, and my spine is tingling.

this song really has its special way of touching people. or maybe it's just me. i mean, me being sick and all pms-y these past few days. maybe it's fate that i come across this song after a long time, (yes, i've known it for a long time) because it's trying to get a message across to me.

sidetrack: you changed your url.

why?

i'm sick of your acting.

i'm sick of hoping that all this will soon be over.

i'm sick of crying hard every single fucking night for you.

i'm sick of trying to rebel against all that's been laid out for me.

i'm sick of getting beaten down by things that will happen in the future.

i'm sick of living my life for people who won't even give a damn about me.

i'm sick of being there for people who don't even know a shit about me anymore.

i'm sick of ignoring those who care about me, because i care only for those who don't.

i'm sick of staying so strong, when i don't even get the recognition i deserve from you.

i'm sick of pretending that everything will be okay when i know i stopped living when you left me.

i need a time out. tomorrow, i will leave dance early to head to marina barrage. why? because i've never been there, and i'm sick of waiting for people to bring me there. if there's one thing i've realised after all these months of being single, it's that, i need to live for myself. right now, there's no such thing as ~~"love"~~ anymore. not unless you have the power to make me believe in it again.

nothing is making me budge this time round.

when will you wake up?

p/s: mucus and tears do not go well together. i repeat, do NOT go well together.

i thought and wondered at 5:12 PM

"gosh. "

i thought you were different.

i wanted to believe that you were.

p/s: tagboard is up back. (:

i thought and wondered at 1:08 AM

Saturday, October 10, 2009

"haiblas. ugh. "

i hate you because you're such a fucking bitch.

I'M SICK.

I'M NOT FUCKING FAKING IT.

i don't get why i should spend more than today's pay on an mc. when i'm not even going to get paid in the first place. so fuck you, and fuck off. ugh.

-----

i am very grumpy right now. don't ask me why. perhaps the colour red is coming soon. or maybe, it's just because i've been dancing too much, not caring about my health. or maybe, it's because i'm so sick that i can't even breathe at times.

i am grumpy like a grumpy bitch.

right now, i'll hate you if you talk to me unnecessarily.

right now, all i need is for you to stop being childish and to hug me.

skipping work because i'm sick.

there goes $35. =/

one less apparel bought from indiesin.

i feel like collapsing. and never waking up. oh God, i need somebody to slap me out of this melodramatic over-acted drama with yours truly as the lead talent. ughhhh. what. is. wrong. with. me.

so it's either me or you. (:

SANDWICH TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

i thought and wondered at 3:43 PM

"happy birthday firfir! :D "

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY MOHAMED FIRDAUS BIN MOHAMED DAUD!

thank you for being there for me through these past 8 months. thanks for being the only person who knows almost everything about me. thank you for understanding the confusion that i'm going through. thank you for being the best boy friend i have. thank you for buying me things when i least expect it (like hotdogs at the end of my shift :P) . thank you for loving all of me - the bitchy me, the emo me, the high me, the bimbo me, the minah me. thank you for knowing when to shut up when i'm pms-y. thank you for listening to me whine in the middle of the night when i need to talk to somebody.

and for everything else that you've sacrificed for me, thank you. (:

and happy 18th birthday! :D

i love you, more than words can say.

-----

i am in a very pms-y mood right now.

not in the mood to blog now.

perhaps later on in the day.

XOXO

i thought and wondered at 12:15 AM

Thursday, October 8, 2009

"that's not my name "

it isn't my fault.

so don't blame me.

it isn't my fault.

so don't blame me.

it isn't my fault.

so don't blame me.

if it were my fault, you could blame me.

but now it isn't... it never was, actually.

so, don't blame me.

-----

it's raining pretty heavily now and although usually i'd like this morning rainy gloomy stay-in kinda weather, today is an exception because i'm sick. and rainy days have this weird way of making sick people feel sicker. don't you agree?

the rain disrupted my morning plans. or rather, somebody did. urgh. and now if i take macsharee along with me so early in the morning, i'd feel guilty even if it isn't my fault in the first place. i have dance at 2pm later, so go figure. i think i'd faint halfway later. nyeh. i'm not trying to sound like a pussy, but i really feel weak. =/

i woke up this morning and it hurt to breathe. fml.

morning macdonald's breakfast with fir later! (: that is, if it stops raining, and if he can come here safe and dry. because i wouldn't want to go so far in the rain with macsharee. she deserves staying dry. (yes, my laptop is female. deal with it.)

today morning was weird. well, i was weirded out. i had 3 short phonecalls consecutively right before i went to bed. and honestly, i was too sleepy to realise who they were. then, as i slept, i had a dream about people calling me non-stop. in fact, i think i was ngigau-ing. (sleep-walking or something.) because i remember lifting my arms as though i was in a phonecall over and over again. hmm....

yay! the rain is lessening.

this means i'll be going out soon.

i love it when you go the extra mile for me.

because i love it when i know i'm worth it to you.

GOOD MORNING DARLINGSSXXX.

i thought and wondered at 10:31 AM

"kau mengindahkan hidup aku. "

oh God. sorry.

putting this up on my blog totally slipped my mind. T_T

i love my riverside peeps. :D

anyway. i don't feel like blogging now. i just feel like putting up pictures. and it so happens that julie, farhat and i took loads of pictures that day. of which most ended up unglam. so, imma just put up those which i think won't make any of you blind. (:

haha.

so there.

tomorrow will be a special day.

and only you know why. ;)

oh for the record, i miss you.

i thought and wondered at 12:38 AM

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

"you're coming, you're coming! "

i'm sick now.

throat's burning. muscles aching. slight temperature. :(

and it's probably because i accompanied julie to the polyclinic yesterday. we bumped into farhat and hazirah there! (: farhat ended up sticking with us til 8pm? yeah. haha.

loads of fun and laughter with those two goons yesterday.

truth or dare has never seemed more interesting. :P

it's been a long time since i let loose like that. probably because farhat had the fortune of being (probably) the first nyp schoolmate to see me in my most ugliest state. ahahaha. :P

can you make me feel like a princess?

cause i'd like that.

I WANT TO DANCE TOMORROW.

I DON'T CARE.

fame with julie later.

tonight will be good.

please?

i thought and wondered at 1:42 AM

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

"aggravation "

sigh.

what happened to the shareefah who used to blog 293032432854856 times a day?

watching fame with julie and farhat tomorrow! yay! (:

i thought and wondered at 11:56 PM

Monday, October 5, 2009

"or a beautiful nightmare.. "

what i've decided to come to terms with these past few weeks, is that love is definitely not flawless. (i used to believe that love wasn't the problem - we were.) but now, i realise that the decisions we make are almost always influenced by this intangible feeling called "love".

it's something that we cannot control - this feeling.

it's neither wrong nor right. however, how you start feeling because of love.. might be right or wrong. and that's what confuses me.

i've made a lot of mistakes because of love. especially in recent spate of events. but the thing is, i'm not blaming love. in fact, i believe i'm addicted to this. the cycle of being heartbroken, and hurting others. probably that's the reason why i can't settle down. at least not yet.

it's at these moments of life that i feel like running in the rain.

or drowning myself in the sea.

and yet all i can do is to dance everything away.

sad how i won't even be able to do that soon.

babyboy, i miss you. can i hug you and just cry? why is your ring doing all the work for you?

i thought and wondered at 9:52 AM

Sunday, October 4, 2009

"you could be my sweet dream.. "

sometimes, life has its own special and funny way of hitting us in the face when we most need it.

perhaps it's the way life is meant to be.

i feel like taking a walk in the rain... will you hold my hand and walk with me?

i thought and wondered at 2:23 AM

Saturday, October 3, 2009

"and i thought you were different "

YOU. ARE. A. LOSER.

i thought and wondered at 12:48 AM

Thursday, October 1, 2009

"i know. (: "

i know that i am fat.
in case you haven't noticed, it wasn't a question, it was a statement. a statement is not a question, thus i don't need you to answer anything. (: perhaps you're too dumb? i mean, to have a name called "minx" or "kinx".. sadistic, isn't it?

well, usually i wouldn't even bother thinking of shit losers like you people who don't even have the guts to leave your name when you have such negative opinions about me, but.. today, i woke up in a bad mood. so you kinda got the wrong person to hate tag on the wrong day. uh-oh.

firstly, yes.
i honestly know that i'm not the prettiest or hottest girl out there. and fuck, iun even know why guys fall for me. but the fact is, they do. even if it is to, quote: "just to get into my pants". and i've always tried getting them to stop doing so. it's rare that i actually "woo" a guy. because it takes a lot of reasoning for me to do so. and guys just usually don't have much reasons for me to do so.

secondly..
my financial issues at home, are too personal to be discussed here. but fuck it, at least i'm earning my own moolahs instead of depending on anybody else. you're trying to bring me down by saying i'm using 2918482343852 financial assistance and all. but why should i be brought down? i won't lie, i've not had the most comfortable childhood around, but that has got nothing to do with me. right, so now you want to be a dirt cheap loser and target my family and parents. come on, just leave them out of the picture if you want it to be a personal attack to me. oh wait, you're that pathetic, huh.

thirdly..
hell fucking no. a "cheap whore" would be somebody who sleeps around with people to get money. a source of income, actually. i am neither somebody who sleeps around, or gets an income through people. so really, your labels are totally OFF. you could call me a bitch though. because i am. because what i'm doing makes me a bitch. that is, if, dating freely and breaking people's hearts is bitchy, then yeah. i am a bitch. (:

fourthly..
unfortunately, the fact that i keep a timetable spreadsheet for boys is untrue. i'm sorry to burst your imaginary negative bubble about me, but i don't. i do however keep a timetable because i'm busy with loads of other stuff, of which guys are included at times.

last but not least..
judging by the way you tag, you're probably somebody who was close to me before. perhaps, somebody i rejected? so now you play the scorned bitch and start spreading rumours about me and all. great, just great. even if you're not a person i turned down, you're probably one of those people who just have something against people who actually have the opportunity to be liked by more than 1 person at a time. don't waste your time here. in both instances, you're jealous. and if you're jealous, (although there's nothing to be jealous about), i suggest you do something about it, because honestly? hate tagging is so last millennium. and it's wasting your time.

oh by the way, i would SERIOUSLY respect you if you had the guts to leave your real name behind. because right now, you're just a pathetic loser friend of mine, who has the guts to hate tag me with such cruel words, but have no guts to accept the fact that i will treat you differently after knowing your identity. so what is it going to be? the truth and your name? or the ceasefire of this bullshit?

and really, if you want to know anything at all.
feel free to add me on msn.
email's at the right hand corner profile of this blog. (:

okay, i got to go gets ready for my darlings! (:
now, now, i'm not going on a date with more than 3 guys!
i'm going on a date with more than 3 girls.. (: ahh..
oh oh! now you could say i'm a lesbian or bi-sexual!

*rolls eyes til next year*

one day you'll realise that your actions are pathetic and childish. mark my words. (:

for all those who know the truth, you know i love you! :D

i thought and wondered at 1:51 PM

"i wanna be next to you "

29th september 2009.

was a great day. (:

13 hours straight. and a quite eventful date, at that! i mean, the going to the ica building and all. heh. that's probably what made it one of the most memorable dates i'll ever have. haha!

i'm scared of feeling this safe with somebody so new. i'm scared that imma end up getting hurt, or hurting you.

b.t.w. phobia 2 is a scary shitfuck movie. T_T

sidetrack: why am i such a bitch?

i thought and wondered at 2:53 AM