<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/4923544347546729336?origin\x3dhttp://mytsandws.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
i want somebody to kill me;
will you?
.
mytsandws. ♥
Shareefah.

Sharifah Raihanah

Create your badge

sharifah raihanah
sherryfah. (sha. shar. shai. nana.)
foreign bodies. ex-asc. fcps. rss. nyp/sbm - media studies & management. cotton on. cancer. hates her own kind, including you.

sharaihanah@hotmail.com

Freebie Counter here right now

mytsandws - my thoughts and wonders (:
i believe in spreading the ♥. (:
oh, and i love .


Listen.

Question?


Go ahead.

Live.


Much thanks.

Designer: lublublovable
Basecodes: Kary-yan/Missyan.
Hosts: x o x>


Friday, May 29, 2009
"who'd have known? "

who'd have known?

it's five o'clock in the morning
conversation got boring
you said you'd go into bed soon
so i snuck off to your bedroom

and i thought i'd just wait there
until i heard you come up the stairs
and i pretended i was sleeping
and i was hoping you would creep in
with me

put your arm around my shoulder
and it was as'if the room got colder
and we moved closer in together
started talking about the weather

you said tomorrow would be fun
and we could watch a place in the sun
i didn't know where this was going
when you kissed me

are you mine?
are you mine?
cause i stay here all the time
watching tele, drinking wine

who'd have known?
who'd have known?
when you'd flash up on my phone
i'd no longer feel alone
no longer feel alone

i haven't left here for days now
and i'm becoming amazed how
you're quite affectionate in public
in fact your friend said it made her feel sick

and even though
it's moving forward
there's just the right
amount of awkward
and today you accidentally
called me baby

are you mine? 
are you mine?
cause i stay here all the time
watching tele, drinking wine

who'd have known? 
who'd have known?
when you'd flash up on my phone
i'd no longer feel alone

let's just stay
let's just stay
i wanna lie in bed all day
we'll be laughing all the way
you told your friends
they all know we exist
but we're taking it slow
let's just see
let's see how we go

let's just stay 
let's just stay
i wanna lie in bed 
all day
we'll be laughing 
all the way
you told your friends
they all know
we exist 
but we're 
taking it slow
now let's just see 
how we go
now let's see 
how we go

are you mine? 
are you mine?
cause i stay here all the time
watching tele, drinking wine

who'd have known? 
who'd have known?
when you'd flash up on my phone
i'd no longer feel alone 
no longer feel alone

- lily allen

(:

i don't feel well.
could you come pick me up later?




i thought and wondered at 11:37 AM


Thursday, May 28, 2009
"is it true? "

"is it you?
is it you?
is it you the one i've been waiting for.."


i'm looking for a lover, not a friend. (:


-----

haha.

things CANNOT get more awkward than this.

i don't even dare to blog, cause i'm scared of revealing anything.
okay, that sounded wrong.

i HAVE to finish my assignments.
so toodles!


motor rides are fun.
won't you ride with me?


i thought and wondered at 9:21 AM


Wednesday, May 27, 2009
"the start of something new? "

yesterday night was nice.
i was as red as a tomato throughout the night.



heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


sharifah shocked!




i thought and wondered at 3:19 PM


Tuesday, May 26, 2009
"ugh! "

at the stairs with julie jeffrey right now.

before this i watched angels and demons with maisurah afiah!


OMG!

that show, is a definite 4.5/5 stars! the plot is twisted and sick! and FUCKING good! hahaha.

yes people, i say "fucking" every single day.
deal with it.

yesterday at vivo with the class was fun. 
celebrated the may babies' birthdays.
specifically aaron, luqman and athena.
happy belated birthdays! (:


i got my first A today! :DD
life's a bitch people.

played truth or dare and i discovered new sides of people in MS0901, and i bet they discovered another side of me too. haha! ^^ ouh wells. i'm single people. i don't really care anymore. haha!

fish and chips from banquet for dinner! :D
julie's gone insane.

and ida, i'm okay now. i just needed to be around friends. that's all. (: 


happy birthday syarif. (:


i thought and wondered at 9:28 PM


"did you know? "

omg la.



i need hidayah.

p/s: you're seriously pissing me off. badly.


i thought and wondered at 4:14 PM


Sunday, May 24, 2009
"anywhere but here "

every week, i look forward to seeing you.

every week, i know they're just empty promises.

ever week, i cry.

will this cycle ever stop?

-----

had a terrible day yesterday. work was shit. customers were pissing me off like nobody's business. one even kicked my counter, CONTINUOUSLY, after i asked him to help me empty the yellow bag. =.='

but. i was honestly too tired to care.

i turned to shikin and said, "ni laki dah apasal sak.."

then i turned to the customer and smiled.



unnecessary drama when work ended. he accompanied me to the bus stop and we saw him there. for all those who know about this, you know how awkward it was la kay. haha. in the end i just avoided the two of them and sat down, while talking to syirah on the phone. lol.


i hate bus trips when i'm alone. i tend to cry at every single thing. every single song i hear reminds me of sapshai. somebody should confiscate that ipod away from me. or i should just return it to him. =/ or maybe even throw it away. he doesn't deserve it. ^^

and if i do, somebody seriously needs to get me an 8gb/16gb pink ipod nano for my birthday. hahaha. but i know that nobody will get it for me la kay. i know. tersk.

anyway, to whom-it-may-concern:
the previous post was purposely made that way.
because i know somebody with that standards.
would never look my way.
and i think i'll never fall in love again.
even if i do have a few crushes now.


you want to know why? i'm honestly just afraid of loving again. i'm seriously just too tired of going through the whole "let's get to know each other" phase. right now, nobody's able to make me feel that excited about him.


he volunteered to be the one who helps me out of this. he volunteered to take whatever shits i throw at him. he volunteered to be the one who loves me the most. he volunteered to take your position when you were helping me to forget syamil. yet he still respects the fact that my heart is with somebody else.

somebody who's not even reading this blog. somebody who doesn't even care about how i feel. somebody who doesn't need me anymore. somebody who probably has another girl. and that somebody is you.

you told me you're not doing okay.
so how are you doing?
more than okay?
better than me, i guess.


i thought and wondered at 11:27 AM


Friday, May 22, 2009
"you should be: "

you should:

- have a bike;
- pay for everything when we go out;
- be taller than me;
- be wittier than me;
- be able to dance;
- be able to sing;
- be able to play the guitar;
- be able to call me at night;
- be wild, but not entirely;
- not try to change me;
- never shout at me;
- never ever ever fucking lie to me;
- respect me;
- have a penis;
- love me for who i am.


yes. you are impossible.

give up.
give fucking up. 

(:


i thought and wondered at 12:39 PM


"stop being a bitch, okay? "

i won't show it.
i won't.


life's getting pretty meaningless right now.


my back's been acting up again.
it hurts tremendously at times.
but i see no point in telling anybody.

i can't help it.
i can't.

-----

there's foreign bodies today. i'm so fucking excited lah can? i hope i don't embarrass myself on the first day of practice. i always end up embarrassing myself like fuck when i meet new people. heh. let's hope this time it'll be an exception. xD

oh, yesterday mingi asked me to go clubbing with him on 3rd july to celebrate my birthday! :DD ape lagi.. haha! and he was sweet enough to give me the PINK macdonald's glass that i wanted so much. (it's sold out already! T_T) so now i have a pink macdonald's glass! hahaha! yayness.



3rd day in a row.
i need a slap.


p/s: and if you think that i already have somebody new, you thought wrong. i don't think i can ever let you go. even if you already have. i don't think i'm strong enough to do so. unless a romeo enters my life. a romeo enters my life and takes your place. is that what you really want?



i thought and wondered at 12:39 PM


Thursday, May 21, 2009
"rollercoaster ride. "

i need a hug.


i need a hug.


i need a hug.


and i need to stop crying in school.
period.

p/s: i got into foreign bodies! 


i thought and wondered at 10:46 AM


Wednesday, May 20, 2009
"i'm sorry oh so sorry. "

i've never felt this alone in my life before.
never.

i literally feel like i have nobody to talk to. nobody i can cry like crazy infront of. nobody who would understand what i'm talking about 98% of the time. nobody who's willing to walk beside me, while holding my hands and caressing my face. nobody.

i used to have you.


while everybody's rushing through ica projects and meetings and shits, i'm still stuck in this pitiful state of sorrow.

will i ever move on?


-----

i fucking screwed up at yesterday's auditions. and i cried on the way back. i know, right? what the fuck. yes, people, that's how disappointed i was with myself. i felt like taking a knife and stabbing myself repeatedly. but i guess that wouldn't help much, would it?

i'm just hoping for the best right now.
i really want to get in.
results will be out tonight. =/


i need an eye candy.
period.

shit. i broke my oath. fuck it.


i thought and wondered at 1:04 PM


Tuesday, May 19, 2009
"insomnia. "

is this truly okay?

shit.
i'm going crazy.


i thought and wondered at 12:48 PM


"before i forget "

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY NUR FARHANNIS!


HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY LUQMAN!


(: (: (:


i thought and wondered at 12:48 PM


"i want to go to FRANKfurt. "

yesterday was BLOODY fun lah!
beginner's luck helped me win 3 out of 3 games!
with the help of syafiq masod, of course. :D

and i had only 4 hours of freaking sleep.
maybe THAT'S why i'm so grumpy right now.


hahaha.


will hopefully be watching wolverine with saiful tomorrow. it's been so long that i met him that i miss him like crazy! heh. ape nak buat, kate best friends kan.. haha. and you still haven't tagged me eh. heh.


i'm easily the brightest person in class right now.
maybe even in the entire campus!
hahaha. cause i'm wearing this super bright GREEN tanktop.
with matching GREEN shoes!
ahaha. what's with me and the colour green seh.

i'll be going to the third foreign bodies auditions later, and just thinking about it makes my palms sweat. T_T i don't take rejection too well! gah.

i feel so bloody incomplete right now.
i need somebody to sharpen my focus.

and you, i don't believe that you told me that yesterday. because you always seemed like the kind of guy who wouldn't fall for anybody so easily. for you to keep everything in til yesterday, i think that was sweet. (: (it's not like you'll ever read this, but yeah.)


you: i forgot how fun it was talking on the phone for what seems like eternity. thanks. for making me smile. and please please, makan your medicine okay? ^^

"i'll just stick it in here, yea?"

:)

-----

before i forget.
talked to HIM in the morning just now.
i just really need an interviewee for my ICA!
and then everybody went crazy. =.='

stop it seh sharifah! T_T


i thought and wondered at 10:34 AM


Monday, May 18, 2009
"first time for everything "

i'm at the library with syafiq masod, mini, aidil, hasbullah and afiq.


don't ask why.
just don't.

ahaha!
i'm so glad that they're here on this very day, at this exact moment and time and place. if they weren't, i would be at home now, watching tv and being emo. haha. i wanted to watch a movie just now. and asked ahmad and doreen out, but he was already home and reen had boarded the bus.

how suey can i get sia?!

BUT.

afiq was coincidentally at the library and rifhan's coming down. and we're all going to go pool! whoo! and i'm going to lose my virginity again. cause i've never pooled before. i know, right? i'm such a noob. ahaha.

after school with mary was fun.
we laughed at practically everything la.

and i'm so happy that most of the things in my life are going well.

except the studies part.
i haven't started my ICAs!
and they just seem to pile up.
kanina...


oh and i found a sayang! ^^

p/s: i SHALL go to the third auditions tomorrow. i shall do my best. i shall get in! and if i don't.. well, i haven't thought about that part yet. T_T


i thought and wondered at 8:13 PM


"nutella! "

"orang kasi roti, kau mintak nutella."

ahaha!
mary, you're so fucking funny! haha.


i thought and wondered at 12:55 PM


Sunday, May 17, 2009
"oh my Lord. "

oh my Allah.

i didn't get into foreign bodies.



can somebody tell me why 2009 is so against me?
i need a hug. :(



to you: thanks for the day. i haven't smiled like that in ages.


-----

the blower's daughter

and so it is
just like you said it would be
life goes easy on me
most of the time

and so it is
the shorter story
no love no glory
no hero in her sky

i can't take my eyes of you
i can't take my eyes of you
i can't take my eyes of you
i can't take my eyes of you
i can't take my eyes of you
i can't take my eyes

and so it is
just like you said it should be
we'll both forget the breeze
most of the time

and so it is
the colder water
the blower's daughter
the pupil in denial

i can't take my eyes of you
i can't take my eyes of you
i can't take my eyes of you
i can't take my eyes of you
i can't take my eyes of you
i can't take my eyes

oooh...
did i say that i love you
did i say that i want to
be there all the time

i can't take my mind of you
i can't take my mind of you
i can't take my mind of you
i can't take my mind of you
i can't take my mind of you
i can't take my mind

my mind, my mind
til i find somebody new


- damien rice


 (:



should i go for the 3rd audition? hmpfh.


i thought and wondered at 7:38 PM


Friday, May 15, 2009
"radar "

radar

confidence is a must
cockiness is a plus
edginess is a rush
edges i like 'em rough
a man with a midas touch
intoxicate me
i’m a lush
stop you’re making me blush
people are looking at us

i don’t think you know (Know)
i’m checking you
so hot, so hot
wonder if you know
you're on my radar
(on my radar)
on my radar
(on my radar)
and yep i notice you
i know it’s you
choose it, you don't wanna lose it
you're my radar
(on my radar)
on my radar
(on my radar)

and when you walk
(when you walk)
and when you talk
(when you talk)
i get the tingle
i wanna mingle
that’s what i want
(that’s what i want)

hey listen baby
turn up the fader
tryna to make you understand
you’re on my radar
(on my radar)
on my radar
(on my radar)

on my radar
got you on my radar
got you on my radar
got you on my radar

interesting sense of style
ten million dollar smile
think i can handle that
animal in the sack
his eyes see right to my soul
i surrender self-control
catch me looking again
falling right into my plan

i don’t think you know (Know)
i’m checking you 
so hot, so hot
wonder if you know
you're on my radar 
(on my radar)
on my radar 
(on my radar)
and yep I notice you 
i know it’s you 
choose it, you don't wanna lose it
you're my radar 
(on my radar)
on my radar 
(on my radar)

and when you walk 
(when you walk) 
and when you talk 
(when you talk) 
i get the tingle 
i wanna mingle 
that’s what i want 
(that’s what i want) 

hey listen baby
turn up the fader
tryna to make you understand
you’re on my radar
(on my radar)
on my radar
(on my radar)

on my radar
got you on my radar 
got you on my radar 
got you on my radar 
on my radar
got you on my radar 
got you on my radar 
got you on my radar 

i got my eye on you
and I can’t let you get away

hey baby
whether it’s now or later
i’ve got you
you can’t shake me
cause i got you on my radar
whether you like it or not
it ain’t gonna stop
cause i got you on my radar
(i got you)
cause i got you on my radar

i’m checking you
so hot, so hot
you're on my radar
(on my radar)
on my radar
(on my radar)
and yep i notice you
i know it’s you
choose it, you don't wanna lose it
you're my radar
(on my radar)
on my radar
(on my radar)

and when you walk
(when you walk)
and when you talk
(when you talk)
i get the tingle
i wanna mingle
that’s what i want
(that’s what i want)

hey listen baby
turn up the fader
tryna to make you understand
you’re on my radar
(on my radar)
on my radar
(on my radar)

on my radar
got you on my radar 
got you on my radar 
got you on my radar 
on my radar
got you on my radar 
got you on my radar 
got you on my radar 


- britney spears

-----

i think guys, who have crushes on girls, and refuse to tell them because they're shy/scared of rejection/bla bla bla, are wasting precious time of their lives.

okay, that was so random.
but yeah.
to whom it may concern:
if you like a girl, go and tell her.
before you lose your chance.

be a man.
do the right thing.

anyways, this is like the 39571630th time i'm updating today.
boredom man.
boredom.

i'm in the library right now. mairah and dee's going through ICA 1 and lecture notes. reen and mary are sleeping with their laptops in front of them. this is when i feel like i'm better off with a dslr in orchard road or any beach. i can be listening to emo songs, or upbeat songs, or any kind of fucking song, and i'll be snapping away.

or something.

i need to interview a foreign nyp student. that's pretty okay. but where the fuck am i going to find a foreign student? i've probably scared them all away. don't ask why. haha.

now mairah's sleeping too.
shit. it's rubbing off on me man.
i feel the sudden urge and temptation to skip lecture.

OMG LA SHARIFAH.
tsk.

okay, i don't even think anybody will be reading this. til i die or something. gah. anyway, i finally know what i want. or at least, the kind of guy i want to be in love with. i want a boyfriend who has a bike. :D

i rode a bike for the very first time yesterday la seyyy! haha. that's the experience i was talking about in my previous entry. hee! i'm no longer a motor virgin! :D heee.

okay stop it.
i think i'll stop here.
my random ramblings are nonsensical.

toodles.


i thought and wondered at 1:05 PM


" "

STEP ONE: spell your name with songs
Sexyback - justin timberlake
Halo - beyonce
Angels - david archuleta
Radar - britney spears
Indah - agnes monica
Fuck you! - lily allen
Apologize - one republic feat. timberland
Hello - lionel richie

STEP TWO:
– name: sharifah raihanah binte syed zulkifli (shahabuddin)
– birth date: 4th july 1992
– nickname: sha, shai, nana, shar, shareefah
– eye colour: hazel xD
– hair colour: artificially coloured brown. nyehahaa.
– zodiac sign: monkey
- horoscope: cancer

STEP THREE:
– the shoes you wore/are wearing today: grey bata sandals
– your weaknesses: controlling my emotions
– your fear(s): rejection, heights, butterflies, insects, ghosts, being disliked
– your perfect pizza: candies and gummies on a chocolate base. whoo!

STEP FOUR:
– your best physical feature: my eyes? my nose? =/
– your bedtime: usually from 12am - 4am. (:
– most missed memory: being with him.

STEP FIVE:
this or that…
– pepsi or coke: coke
– mcdonald’s or burger king: burger king
– lipton ice tea or nestea: lipton ice tea
– chocolate or vanilla: chocolato! hee.
– cappuccino or coffee: coffee. (not black, please)

STEP SIX:
do you…
– smoke: (:
– sing: omg, everytime lah.
– dance: ask around. (:
– take a shower everyday: uh huh!
– have a crush: i have no idea. i really don't.
– do you think you’ve been in love?: with him? definitely.
– want to go to college: why am i striving for a 4.0 gpa if i don't? tsk.
– like(d) high school: riverside is the best la. okay? haha.
- want to get married: yes. i want cute babies too. hee!
– get motion sickness: this happens to me at random times. hahaha!
– think you’re a health freak: not really. no, not at all.
– get along with your parents: i love my mum.

STEP SEVEN:
in the past month…
– gone to the mall: uh huh. i'm not that socially deprived okayy.
– eaten an entire box of oreos: i don't like oreos anymore.
– eaten sushi: omg yeah! i ate them on tuesday during the class' movie outing!
– been on stage: i performed like, at least twice a year in secondary school, EVERY YEAR. =.=
– gone skating: no! and i don't want to! hahahaaha.
– made homemade cookies: yes, with my favouritest sister in the world!
– gone skinny dipping: i want to. whooo!
– stolen anything: not that i remember. oh wait. i stole his heart before. but i returned it since. =/

STEP EIGHT:
ever…
– played a game that required removal of clothing: HAHAHAHAA. omg, njrc's truth or dare. xD
– if so, was it mixed company: uh huh
– flashed anyone: no. but i saw a flasher before. T_T
– been beaten up: not really.
– shoplifted: i wouldn't dare.

STEP NINE:
– age you hope to be married: 26 or 27
– numbers of children: twins!! or triplets! a girl-boy kinda thing. whoo!
– describe your dream wedding: at a beach. a pretty natural beach. not like sentosa or east coast park or whatever. LOL.
– what country would you most like to visit?: france.

STEP TEN:
in the opposite sex..
– best eye color?: as hazel as mine? so he treats me like normal.
– best hair color?: black/brown/dark brown? ahaha. i don't mind.
– short hair or long hair?: short! hee. or umm, average? ahaha.
– height: 167cm - 178cm! anything less, i'll feel tall. anything more, i'll feel short. =/

STEP ELEVEN:
– number of people i could trust with my life: 2
– number of cds that i own: who the hell keeps track?! tsk.
– number of tattoos: zero.
– number of piercings: 2

personal quiz:
who were you with yesterday?: mary, dee, reen, mairah, jums. and, heeeee! a friend! (:
what woke you up this morning?: my bloody mobile phone alarm, at 5.40am. gah.
is tomorrow going to be a good day?: if the ikea customers are good tomorrow.
do you like anybody?: maybe i'm liking more than one. haha! =/

THE PAST:
ever thrown up in public?: omg yes. at jeannie's chalet. T_T
passed out because of alcohol?: i don't drink man. tsk.
what’s on your mind RIGHT NOW?: him.
what kind of home would you like?: i don't care if it's small, as long as it's filled with creative shits. heee!
what do you want to be when you grow up?: a public relations executive officer.
where do you see yourself in 5 years?: hopefully in ntu, mass communication? (:
do you like candy necklaces?: not really.
when was the last time you fell over or ran into something?: few months back, when i was playing badminton with ex-boyfriend, and ran straight into a wall. =.=
do you listen to music every day?: duh! who doesn't?
do you still go trick or treating? : i've never gone seh. anybody want to come with?
what was the last thing you ate?: polar chicken pie bought from cheers! whoo!
are you a fast typer?: i believe so.
what's your favorite type of soda?: coke.
have you ever moved? : from jurong east to woodlands.
have you ever won an award? : uh huh.
are you listening to music right now?: no, mary and mairah are chatting away. hahaha.
how long is it till your birthday? : less than 2 months! *hint hint*
when were you the saddest in your whole life?: when we broke up.
what time is it?: 11.25am
do you use ebay to buy or sell? : uh? no?
who makes you mad? : anybody who is more irritating than me. and trust me, i'm VERY irritating. :D
have you ever heard a song written about you?: NO. muhammad syamil once said he wrote one for me, but it turned out to be for any random girl. tsk. so, somebody out there. go, write a song for me. hee!
something you want to happen in 2009? : let go and move on.

HONESTY SECTION:
1. honestly, what colour is your underwear? : black and grey.
2. honestly, what's on your mind? : wondering if I'M on HIS mind. haiz. (but i know i'm not la. okay? so da. full stop. tsk.)
3. honestly, what are you doing right now? : eh, this question is dumb.
6. honestly, have you done something bad today? : i refuse to believe so.
8. honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone? : last night with muhammad saiful bin saimen.
9. honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? : nope. (:
10. honestly, what makes you mad most of the time? : not being loved by anybody? tsk.
11. honestly, do you bite your nails?: i used to.
12. honestly, have you had an eating disorder?: yeah. in primary school.
13. honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?: him.
14. honestly, are you keeping a big secret now?: definitely. i keep secrets for everybody.
15. honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like?: who doesn't?
17. honestly, are you in denial?: yeah, i keep thinking he still thinks of me. fuck.
18. honestly, do you get up in the middle of the night and eat?: when i can't sleep.
19. honestly, do you like anyone?: probably more than one. gahh!
20. honestly, does anyone like you? : no! T_T

ANGER SECTION:
1. what do you do when you’re mad?: i throw things around! i've thrown so many expensive things i'll get myself crazy one day.
2. what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?: i cut myself like err, 39 times? tsk.
3. ever made anyone cry when you were mad? : definitely. sorry.
4. do you swear when you’re mad? : i swear even when i'm NOT mad. ahahaha!

CRYING SECTION:
1. when was the last time you actually cried? : ah? last week? i've been too tired to cry already la.
2. ever cried yourself to sleep?: eh, it's my past time. hee!
3. do certain songs make you cry?: any slow slongs. seriously. even if the lyrics have no-link. hahah!
4. what usually makes you cry?: anything under the sun. usually a strong display of emotions. heh.

HAPPY SECTION:
1. are you usually a happy person?: yeah. cause mary says so. haha.
2. what makes you the happiest?: whooo! only we know. (:
4. do you believe in yourself?: not at all.
5. when people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy?: uh huh. but i also think they're weird. heh.

-----

whooo!
i just spent the last half an hour doing this crap shit.
taken from si hao's blog.
do rip it if you want to do it. (:


i'm so happy that i finally did it yesterday.
it's just a wonderful feeling.
but i agree, i'm not ready to be in any type of relationship right now.
yeah.

maybe in 2 weeks time?
hahaha!
i wanna get attached on 5th june again. (:

lalala~
i'm so bloody random, aren't i?

"he kissed my lips
i taste your mouth
he pulled me in
i was disgusted with myself"


i thought and wondered at 11:53 AM


Thursday, May 14, 2009
"should i or should i not? "

omg.
here's where my conscience bites me. =/

he's just a friend. nothing more. nothing else. nothing more.

T_T



at school now.
going home in approximately 35 minutes.


i need to compose myself.
tutorials to do.
lots of them.

ICA 1 for every freaking module.
every every freaking module.
shit shit.
i'm freaking out.
aren't you?


and to you: please be strong. you know i'm always a call away, and it may hurt really bad, but i still am here for you and i will always be okay? don't let this setback bring you down. i love you!


i thought and wondered at 3:16 PM


"sheesh. pms? "

what the fuck just happened?


i feel fucking guilty.
but seriously. i'm really sad.
and guilty.

about everything.

sharifah, snap out of it, start doing your homework again. stop thinking about the break up, stop thinking about other people's lives, stop thinking about how people look at you.

concentrate.

he looked at me not only in the "i'm fucking pissed at you" kind of way, but i could really see the hurt and disappointment. like i had betrayed him in some way. gah. i've always hated that feeling.

many thanks to rahayu and shermaine! loves!


i thought and wondered at 2:02 PM


Wednesday, May 13, 2009
"my darlings "







































doreen. shareefah.











                                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                















reen. dee. mary. mairah. shar.

i love my girls.

you know you want it..



i thought and wondered at 6:37 PM


Tuesday, May 12, 2009
"is it just me? "

i'm trying hard not to go crazy right now.
trying my very best.



-----

extract from:

sorry, blame it on me

i'm sorry for the things that he put you through
and all the times you didn't know what to do
i'm sorry that you had to go and sell those bags
just trying to stay busy til you heard from dad
when you would rather be home with all your kids
as one big family with love and bliss
and even though pops treated us like kings
he got a second wife and you didn't agree
he got up and left you there all alone
i'm sorry that you had to do it on your own
i'm sorry that i went and added to your grief
i'm sorry that your son was once a thief
i'm sorry that i grew up way too fast
i wished i would've listened and not be so bad
i'm sorry that your life turned out this way
i'm sorry that the feds came and took me away

i understand that there're some problems
and i'm not too blind to know
all the pain you kept inside you
even though you might not show
if i can't apologize for being wrong
then it's just a shame on me
i'd be the reason for your pain
and you can put the blame on me
you can put the blame on me (x4)
said you can put the blame on me (x4)

- akon

that part of the song, is dedicated to my dearest mummy. puan aini binte ahmad rahim. thanks for being there all these while, thanks for always letting me have my way. thanks for listening to my random bitchings. but seriously, no thanks for scolding me when i use vulgarities too often. heee! just kidding.. :)

i know it's a little too late, (blame it on the 'no-internet-connection-at-home' situation) but, happy mothers' day. i love you so.




i thought and wondered at 10:41 AM


"fuck you, fuck you very very much. "

fuck you (very much)

look inside, look inside your tiny mind 
and look a bit harder 
cause we’re so uninspired 
so sick and tired 
of all the hatred you harbor

so you say it’s not okay to be gay 
well i think you’re just evil 
you’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces 
you’re point of view is medieval

fuck you, fuck you very very much 
cause we hate what you do 
and we hate your whole crew 
so please don’t stay in touch

fuck you, fuck you very very much 
cause your words don’t translate 
and it’s getting quite late 
so please don’t stay in touch

do you get, do you get a little kick out of being small-minded? 
you want to be like your father 
it’s approval you’re after 
well that’s not how you’ll find it 

do you, do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful 
cause there’s a hole where your soul should be 
you’re losing control of it 
and it’s really distasteful

fuck you, fuck you very very much 
cause we hate what you do 
and we hate your whole crew 
so please don’t stay in touch

fuck you, fuck you very very much 
cause your words don’t translate 
and it’s getting quite late 
so please don’t stay in touch 

look inside, look inside your tiny mind 
and look a bit harder 
cause we’re so uninspired 
so sick and tired 
of all the hatred you harbor

fuck you, fuck you very very much 
cause we hate what you do 
and we hate your whole crew 
so please don’t stay in touch

fuck you, fuck you very very much 
cause your words don’t translate 
and it’s getting quite late 
so please don’t stay in touch


- lily allen

this song is so freakishly happy and cutesy-wutesy, that if pre-school teachers went psycho and played this type of songs to their students, the world would become so much happier as a whole because even the words "fuck" and "shit" would sound pure and good.

wouldn't it be nice?

yesterday was insane. i keep thinking i'm falling deeper and deeper. i keep thinking that you want it as badly as i do. and i keep thinking you're drawing in closer and closer to me. i keep thinking we'd work it all out. i keep thinking you're doing this to torture me. i keep thinking that you just want to teach me a lesson. i keep thinking you still love me.

i keep thinking wrong.

somebody just slap me back to reality? ouh gosh.
i really need my girls right now.
hidayah, maisurah, haiza!
biler nak jumpe ni?? gah.


oh you?
"you make me sick."

p/s: a very big thank you to melissa for giving me the cleaning cloth! :D


i thought and wondered at 10:41 AM


Monday, May 11, 2009
"listen to my thunder "

i have to head over to gloria jean's after school.
and i don't really know why.

today was a very joyful day.
which is why i'm preparing myself for a bad evening at home.
i know, right?
shareefah can't stop being stupid at times.
seriously.

"ni de ru fang hen da!"

LOL LOL LOL.

i don't know if i should be looking forward to tonight. you confuse me sometimes, you really do. i don't think you know what you want anymore. and i think i'm about to lose my focus too. it's driving me insane, the way you're doing this to me. are you even aware?

i'm still going to stay at home, but there'll be so many changes, it won't feel like home anymore. i know this sounds pathetic, but i really need somebody here for me right now, and nobody seems to be willing to play the part. why did you change? how could i have changed you this way..?

it still feels weird.

and.
you, you tkmo gini boleh tak? i'm not ready for anything now, and i taknak promise you anything. i rase sampai i dah nazak pun i tak boleh janji you ape2.
haiz.

i don't know what's wrong with me, seriously.
i really don't.

i'm so tired of everything.
aren't you?



i thought and wondered at 4:36 PM


Sunday, May 10, 2009
"way back into love "

MS0901! take note, this is your ICA 1 scheduling for media marketing and management, taught by john ho.

week 4 (11/5/09):
aaron
xin xin
rachel cheng
dionne
doreen
ei thei

week 5 (18/5/09):
melissa
karen
joseph

week 6:
pei wen
eik ming
luqman

week 7:
shawn
diyana
humairah

week 11:
rachel tan
russell
mary

week 12:
sharifah
shermaine
rahayu

week 13:
stephanie
athena
shu anne
hakim

week 14:
vanessa
venetia
warren
seran

*please note that there will be no presentations carried out on week 8, as it's our individual test, and weeks 9 and 10, due to the term break. thanks!
*and also, week 5's presenters: melissa, karen and joseph, please do prepare, because we might have a make-up session for presenting and you'll have to present then. it's still tentative, but it's better to be safe than sorry. hee!

if there's any questions, feel free to text or call me. but i won't be free from 2pm - 7pm today. ;)

-----

okay, i can't wait for monday.
oh, could somebody switch dates with me if i have to present the BPS presentation tomorrow? i haven't had time to stretch and i doubt i can still split. haha. okay, part tu bedek ah. i can still split; but i can't lift my leg up. (it's too fat already. T_T)

gah.

working from 2.30pm to 6.30pm today. anybody want to drop by to see me? haiz. for all of you who want to come but don't know where i work, well, i'm an employee of the singapore ikea management, and i work at ikea tampines. heee. as a cashier. heeee.

sharifah.
stop it with the 'hee's.

i keep getting irritated when i have to message people first. like, why can't they take the simple initiative to text me? haha. okay, this is so random. but yeah. i just don't like it. come on people, i have unlimited smses to burn. just text me when you're bored and i'll text you back aite? unless i'm working la. and unless you're muhammad syamil.

on the other hand.

i don't know why i keep thinking of you.
that's normal, right?
somebody please slap me.
please.

i don't want to be confused..


i thought and wondered at 10:27 AM


Friday, May 8, 2009
"i'm not okay. "

i'm not okay.
i'm not o-fucking kay.

i'm in class right now and i feel like crying. breaking down. crying my fucking eyes out. but i can't. why? cause i made a mental note to myself way before i got my o'level results, that i'd never ever, ever, cry in my new school. ever.

it's only the 3rd week and i'm already struggling.

ouh.
news flash:
i'm not fucking moving house okay people?
deal with it.
this part julie goes: omfg! yaynessssssss!
*rolls eyes*


AT THIS MOMENT:

tea infuser?!
what?!
TEA INFUSER?!
i want the coffee!
gahh.

dammit. i feel so pissed out right now. possible taglines?
"smoother than plain water"
"for the best mix"
"for quality and class"
"you'll never drink coffee ever again"
"it makes you smoother"


omg lahhhh. we're going to present in like, 5 minutes time. and i still dont' know what i'm supposed to be doing. what the fuckkkkk. gah. okay, they're starting presentations already. later.


i thought and wondered at 10:17 AM


Thursday, May 7, 2009
"news flash! "

okay people, i cannot access the internet at home as of this moment onwards.

this is because i'm in the process of moving house, and brother has conveniently moved the modem first. grrr.

okay, having lab now.
later!

-----

okay, i'm in a group with karen, shermaine, ei thei and russell, and we're not really doing anything. at all. hahaa.

i'll have to go to dad's after school.
i want a freaking ipod touch so badly.
okay, no, i actually want an ipod nano.
there's going to be this roadshow at school.

i will so buy myself a new ipod, soon.


*squeals*

but if i pay for it myself, i'll burn my whole pay for last month. ):

you. belikan ipod untuk i you.
hmpfh.


i thought and wondered at 2:03 PM


Tuesday, May 5, 2009
"i shut my mouth up for too long. "

i'm going to take baby steps.

small little teeny weeny baby steps.



today went by pretty fast. class was only 2 hours long and we had this mini presentation that kept me awake. the nerves, man. i think uncontrollable nerves are the best coffee. yeah. nerves definitely help you stay up. even if you're fucking sleepy. like, it'd work on you even if you're about to close your eyes and fall into a deep sleep. even if you're standing in a crowded train, or showering, or sexing, or.. well, you get the point. nerves are the best type of coffee there is. 

anyway.

i remember what the four of us said during orientation:
"we'll beat them with our perfect 4.0 GPAs."

that could seriously be a possibility.

haha. judging from the way all of us presented our 1 minute random stories, or sneak-previews of our BPS ICA 1 presentations, i think all of us are seriously talented in some way. and i really hope we get to stick together all the way til year 3.

had nyptv auditions after school.
i swear to Allah, i freaked myself out by how animated i was.
i felt so guilty to luqqy (aka, luqman. yeah, i know. what the hell right? hahaha!) because i couldn't even help him calm himself down. we were both shaking uncontrollably in the recording studio and i think it kinda showed. shrugs.


ate at macs after school with mary.
tsk, there goes my anorexic plan.
"being on tv makes you look 2kg heavier."
not a good thing. T_T

on the way back home from school i got a seat in the train and slept..... with my mouth open. gahh, i hate it when that happens. like, i was too sleepy to stay awake, even as britney spears was screaming into my ears. and when i woke up, there was a man standing in front of me. that was just so wrong. hahahaa.

reached home and crashed.
i almost cried again.
but then i smiled a lot.
thank you. (:


-----

i just need to keep myself busy.
as busy as i can possibly get.
don't you agree?


i thought and wondered at 11:49 PM


"this is when i say shit. "

omg.

i am freaking out.
tsk.


i thought and wondered at 3:05 PM


"omg. i so hate blogger "

a very dramatic day yesterday.
but i guess i bonded a lot with mary.
i know he's going to kill me for fussing around with mary's business.
but she's my friend.
and i didn't have the heart to leave her like that.
so i'm preparing myself for a scolding tomorrow.
i don't ever want to see you break down like that again okay?
we must be strong.
we must.

anyway.
my classmates are being such sweethearts.
-hugs each and everyone of the girls-

mary, i hope you're okay.
we're all here for you, yea?

brother moved house today. goodbye 158, hello 617? i don't like admiralty. it's so inaccessible. like, it's so near yet so far. that's it man. i see myself losing 10kg within 3 months cause of all the walking i'll have to do. each and every morning. FUCK LAA.

school work is piling up like nobody's business.
maybe it's just cause i haven't been feeling okay.
tsk. i hate being like this la. don't you?
or are you enjoying your life?
i sure am not.

list of things to do tomorrow:
1. complete my article, it's 3/4 finished.
2. memorise the script for nyptv.
3. present the 1 minute presentation for bps.
4. meet mr.chong to give him an explanation/letter for my absence yesterday.



i know i keep telling everybody that i'm okay.
i know i keep saying i want to move on, with or without another guy.
i know i want to try to forget you...
but do you know that i was just lying?

p/s: i'm officially addicted to green tea frappe. lol.


i thought and wondered at 1:46 AM


Sunday, May 3, 2009
"deadlines to rush "

shit shit.

i'm stressing over the business presentations speech we have to present tomorrow, and also the interview thing that i haven't done with mary, and the journals which we need to hand in on friday. and on top of that, i'm like such a bad rep for not reminding aaron, rachel cheng and xin xin that their media marketing management ICA 1 presentations are tomorrow.

dammit! i need john's handphone number! i can't possibly fit so many information and reminders in my small tiny brain! gah! seriously man!

okay.
now i need to choose a topic for my business presentation skills ICA 1's test run tomorrow.

dance?

okay good.
now i have to fucking rush to complete that.
and to finish my media marketing tutorials.
and also, LUQMAN + MARY: DON'T FORGET TO BRING YOUR DOCUMENTS FOR STUDENTS' UNION TOMORROW! 
and i have to remember to do that online thing.
and also to call aunt and ask for the windows key.
and and and.
omg i'm going insane.


and i can't stop thinking of you..

:(


i thought and wondered at 10:08 PM


"really? "

imma be okay.
i have to be.

cheerios?


i thought and wondered at 11:43 AM


Saturday, May 2, 2009
"self-conscious reminder. "

shareefah, pick yourself up.

whenever you're feeling sad/angry/disappointed, you have nobody but yourself to count on. nobody else matters right now. nobody will truly understand you except yourself. so stop being a whiny, 24-7 crybaby and pick yourself up. just bloody pick yourself up. you have to pick yourself up and move on.

but i don't know how to move on.
but i don't want to move on.
i really don't..

thinking of you

comparisons are easily done
once you've had a taste of perfection
like an apple hanging from a tree
i picked the ripest one
i still got the seed

you said move on
where do i go?
i guess second best
is all i will know

cause when i'm with him
i am thinking of you
thinking of you
what you would do if
you were the one
who was spending the night
oh i wish that i
was looking into your eyes

you're like an indian summer
in the middle of winter
like a hard candy
with a surprise center
how do i get better
once i've had the best
you said there's
tons of fish in the water
so the waters i will test

he kissed my lips
i taste your mouth, oh..
he pulled me in
i was disgusted with myself

cause when i'm with him
i am thinking of you
thinking of you
what you would do if
you were the one
who was spending the night
oh i wish that i
was looking into you're..

the best
and yes i do regret
how i could let myself
let you go
now, now the lesson's learned
i touched it, i was burned
oh i think you should know

cause when i'm with him
i am thinking of you
thinking of you
what you would do if
you were the one
who was spending the night
or i wish that i
was looking into your eyes
looking into your eyes
looking into your eyes
oh won't you walk through
and bust in the door
and take me away
oh no more mistakes
cause in your eyes i'd like to stay

- katy perry

so sorry for the random emo-lyrics songs, people.
i'm just not doing very well.
at all.

i don't like the song "love story" by taylor swift anymore.
i really don't.

will you come save me, please?
anybody..?


i thought and wondered at 7:55 PM


"i'm such a mofo "

okay, people, i'm pathetic.

i was crying as i put my lenses on.
who the fuck does that?!

gah, and after i carefully put on make up to make it seem like i'm okay at work, mummy just HAD to tell me something that made me cry again. and i cried. but i wiped it away real quick. so i don't think it's THAT bad. heh.

working til 4.30pm today.
wonder if anybody will come to see me.
haha.
kay, obviously no. tsk.

haiz.

i think i'm really really pathetic right now.
i need to go clubbing man.
dance all the sorrow away.
*looks at hidayah and mary*
oei. biler nak gi ni? lol.

hahaha.
i still never fail to amuse myself.

i want to keep myself busy so i don't have to think about anything. anything at all.
i'm working tomorrow too! :D

like he said, it's not worth it to be feeling so like shit when ex-boyfriend's happy about it. even if he's not happy, he's contented. like, this is not affecting him in any way at all and maybe, he's not even feeling sad at all


ouh people. i need a new watch.
somebody buy for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

toodles.


i thought and wondered at 9:29 AM


"email my heart "

email my heart

forever..
it's been hours, seems like days
since you went away
and all i do is check the screen
to see if you're okay
you don't answer when i phone
guess you wanna be left alone
so i'm sending you my heart my soul
and this is what i'll say

i'm sorry, oh so sorry
can't you give me one more chance
to make it all up to you
email my heart
and say our love will never die
and i, i know you're out there
and i know that you still care (i know you care)
email me back
and say our love will stay alive
forever.. email my heart

i can see you in my mind
coming on the line
and opening this letter
that i've sent a hundred times
here's a picture of us two (us two)
i look so good on you (on you)
and can't you please forgive me
for the hurt i put you through

i'm sorry, oh so sorry
can't you give me one more chance
to make it all up to you
email my heart
and say our love will never die
and i, i know you're out there
and i know that you still care (i know that you still care)
email me back
and say our love will stay alive
forever.. (won't you say it, won't you say it, won't you say it)
email my heart

i'm sorry, oh so sorry
can't you give me one more chance
to make it all up to..
email my heart
and say our love will never die
and i, i know you're out there
and i know that you still care 
email me back
and say our love will stay alive
forever.. email my heart
won't you say it
won't you say it
won't you say it
forever.. email my heart


- britney spears



i thought and wondered at 12:52 AM


Friday, May 1, 2009
"who knew? "

who knew

you took my hand
you showed me how
you promised me you'd be around
uh huh
that's right
i took your words
and i believed
in everything you said to me
yeah huh
that's right

if someone said three years from now
you'd be long gone
i'd stand up and punch them out
cause they're all wrong
i know better
cause you said forever
and ever
who knew?

remember when we were such fools?
and so convinced
and just too cool
oh no
no no
i wish i could touch you again
i wish i could still call you a friend
i'd give anything

when someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
i guess i just didn't know how
i was all wrong
they knew better
still you said forever
and ever
who knew?

yeah yeah

i'll keep you locked in my head
until we meet again
until we
until we meet again
and i won't forget you my friend
what happened..

if someone said three years from now
you'd be long gone
i'd stand up and punch them out
cause they're all wrong and
that last kiss
i'll cherish
until we meet again
and time makes it harder
i wish i could remember
but i keep your memory
you visit me in my sleep
my darling
who knew?

my darling
my darling
who knew?
my darling
i miss you
my darling
who knew?

who knew?


- pink

sap: this is the song we were listening to at vivo just now. heh.

divya and i used to go crazy over it during our lower sec years.
how fast time flies..

so many things i regret.
so many things i wish i could change.


i thought and wondered at 10:06 PM


"it's finally over "

so we went out just now.


and it seems that everything i say to you just makes things worst.

so there it goes.
22 official months. gone.
yes people, muhammad saiful bin saimen and i have broken up.
happy now?
especially you.
you lying cunning bastard.


and you didn't know, but as i ate just now i felt like vomitting. that's why i was feeling queasy. i think i 'll never force myself to eat again if i have no appetite. the feeling's just horrible.


so there you have it. guys, who're having crushes on me, i'm available now, and as doreen says it, "i'm swinging single". heh. no, i'm not dealing pretty well with it. but i have to, don't i? i have to deal with everything by myself. i always did. and i guess after the 22-month "party" is over, and i'm so wasted and just fucking tired from everything that's happened.

but we'll remain best friends.
just like the way we were before o5o6o7.
and hopefully my life will be okay without you.

this part you'll go: "you'll be fine la.."
i guess only time will tell.

to all my future boyfriends out there (if any): i'm really really tired and maxed out right now by relationships. so if you think you have a crush on me and would like to develop it into something else, don't. at least not right now. maybe not ever, even. i just really need time to be alone. it really hurts. it really really hurts.

anis, remember what i told you at jurong point's long john silvers?
"if i were ever to break up with sap, i'd go crazy and i'd lose all interest in love."
i guess it's taking effect, huh?


i won't wait for you.
but i don't want any other.


i'll taste that last kiss of ours forever baby.
forever..


p/s: please keep your promise.. please.


i thought and wondered at 9:25 PM