my thoughts and wonders.

i want somebody to kill me;
will you?

mytsandws. ♥

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sharifah raihanah
sherryfah. (sha. shar. shai. nana.)
foreign bodies. ex-asc. fcps. rss. nyp/sbm - media studies & management. cotton on. cancer. hates her own kind, including you.

sharaihanah@hotmail.com

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Monday, August 31, 2009

"teachers day dance '08 "

memories.

exactly one year ago

i miss riverside, much.

i thought and wondered at 11:51 PM

"DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE! "

GO AHEAD.

JUDGE ME BECAUSE I DON'T SAVE NUMBERS ON MY MUM'S PHONE.

which in case you haven't noticed, i'll have to return to her one day.

omg i'm so pissed off.

-----

i want to hug somebody. can somebody come here right now?

i need to hug somebody. seriously. :(

-----

it's funny how i'm not on stage this year for teachers' day. considering the fact that i was involved with it for almost all 4 years in riverside. i miss the past. i miss the past so bad.

i want to love you.

can i?

p/s: HAPPY SWEET 17TH BIRTHDAY NUR HAZIRA!

p/s 2: HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!

i thought and wondered at 11:18 PM

"be with me "

before, my desktop was really, really cluttered. after about 2 hours of deleting unnecessary shits, macsharee's front finally looks clean and organized. heh. tada:

if you see something in the picture above that's yours, then these next few words are for you. you're just confusing me all over again. please, do me a favour and stop all your pretenses. because i don't know when to stop; how to stop. and we both know that we're just hurting each other for nothing. if only you could realise that. if only.

"and i don't care what they say

i'm gonna be with you

i'm gonna be with you"

you don't tell me that it's not for me.

you don't tell me that you feel nothing.

you don't tell me that i am just imagining things.

i know you too well.

make me smile again..

i thought and wondered at 7:11 AM

"klamby! "

eyebags do not go well on my face.

credits: me. my bang. and my new klamby cushion! :D

they pollute my eye area. urghs.

it's 2.15am, i'm listening to songs like "i know you want me" and "sexy bitch" and i'm dancing all by myself like a moron. which reminds me, i won't be able to attend sp's party on the 4th of september cause there's a compulsory fb practice! T_T

anyway.

i got the klamby cushions!

2 white ones! hehee.

like, finally! :P

now i'm just waiting for the orange, blue and green ones to come. then i'll be sleeping in heaven every single night. why? because these cushions are FUCKING soft. they're so soft, that you'll feel like you're in heaven. where to get them? well, only from the best furniture retailer ever? ikea! like, duh? well, they cost $4.90 per piece, and although i don't think there's stock at the moment (see?! they're THAT popular! :D), stock should be coming in pretty soon... so, go get yours when they come alright? ;D

-----

i'm such a bitch. i don't even know where to begin.

so tell me. how'd you fall in love with a bitch?

cause i don't think there's anything attractive about this bitch at all.

sigh.

goodbye.

p/s: i want to see my ida-love tomorrow because i miss her so! ♥

i thought and wondered at 2:12 AM

Sunday, August 30, 2009

"bang bang, i shot you down "

BANG BANG, I SHOT YOU DOWN.

BANG BANG, YOU HIT THE GROUND.

BANG BANG, MY BABY SHOT ME DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN....

now both julie and i are sporting the same fringe. yeah - bangs. :D

below is a retarded picture i took to show baby.

pardon the eyebags (i only had 3 hours of sleep).

work til closing tonight, and i feel pretty okay about going home alone. probably because i think i need some time out, alone. gahh. i just need to sort out all these issues that i'm facing. thank God exams are over. (: played jamlegend with syafiq til 9am. =.= how much more stupid can i get?

3rd and last entry for today. :D

and i was jumping up and down like a hyena when i saw you. because i knew that from your eyes you were happy to see me too. and you can lie about it all you want. but your eyes can't. your eyes told the truth. the question is not whether you miss me or not. it's why you're hiding your feelings.

hah. thanks julie. (:

have a good sunday, all.

p/s: why did i have to see you? now all my progress seems useless; my efforts, futile. :(

i thought and wondered at 3:42 PM

"you. "

i need you to be the one who pieces all of me back together again.

because right now, you seem to be the only one who cares. the only one who understands how much i'm hurting right now, as the tears drop. could this be it? could you be it? in this short period of time that we've known each other, you've shown me the most love - genuine care and concern. funny how i'm forgetting him when i'm with you. yeah, you have that power over me.

and all my wants and desires take a raincheck when you hold me.

because you redefine love.

you make me remember that love isn't all about bikes and cars, or money and dates. but it's about being with that someone who has the ability to make you smile when he/she smiles. you make me feel warm and safe when you hold me close. you're making me fall for you and there's nothing anybody (yes, not even myself) can do about it. hehs..

could you please be the one?

at least for now?

for as long as possible..? ;)

quick games of jam legend before i sleep. whee!

p/s: i love you.

i thought and wondered at 6:35 AM

"kk can go to fucking hell "

yeah, i didn't know.

because i'm stupid.

so whoever you are, i don't really give a damn anymore.

somebody went on and on and on and on.

-----

i can't wait for the week to begin.

can you? ;)

p/s: i like how i smell of you after seeing you.

i thought and wondered at 2:05 AM

Saturday, August 29, 2009

"these are my confessions "

i don't want to go to work.
i don't want to go to work.
i don't want to go to work.

i want a boyfriend who has a bike/car. i want a boyfriend who will give me monthly allowance so i can stop working. i want a boyfriend who puts me above everything else the way i will do the same. i want a boyfriend who can play the guitar, who can sing and dance and who can play soccer fucking well. i want a boyfriend who will know that when i say "i need a hug" in the middle of the night, it means i want and need him there with me at that very exact moment. i want a boyfriend who knows that just because i'm smiling it doesn't mean i'm happy. i want a boyfriend who will put me before others because he knows that i don't ever put myself first. i want a boyfriend who'll tell me that everything will be okay even if we both know it won't be. i want a boyfriend who's not broke, because i want to do crazy things with him; with money not being an issue. i want a boyfriend who's open enough to accept everything and anything about me. i want a boyfriend who accepts me for who i am - the bimbo, the minah, the cutesy-wutesy of me. i want a boyfriend who'll trust me for all that i do. i want a boyfriend who knows that when i look at an item through the window more than twice, it means i want it. i want a boyfriend who thinks that i'm perfect the way i am, and yet won't try to stop me if i try to change myself. i want a boyfriend who's willing to be there for me for as long as possible; if i have any hope in marrying at all. i want a boyfriend who when reading this, is probably smiling, because he's imagining my expressions as i type. i want a boyfriend who'll teach me how to love. one who'll make me forget them...

sigh.
too bad that kind of boyfriend doesn't want me.

double sigh.
i'm late for work. gahhhhhhh.

goodbye my almost lovers. (:

i thought and wondered at 4:53 PM

Friday, August 28, 2009

"my hopeless dream "

and i thought you were different from the rest.

i rest my case.

oh, if you even bother telling me how the "phone call interrogation" went, you know my number. or have you forgotten it? heh.

-----

so today was great. well, kind of.

hahaha.

i got into a tiff with somebody. well, maybe a tiff is too small a word. i kinda got into a big fight with somebody. and i was trying to hide it, but i was really, really irritated by him. and you know who you fucking are. texting me like that. ugh.

i am sorry for your loss.

i really am.

but both you and i know that it's not my fucking fault.

so please don't put the blame on me. don't.

but you know what? if you want to, go ahead. cause i really don't give a damn about you anymore. if i were to bump into you coincidentally right now, i wouldn't even throw the slightest hint of smile to you. that's how much i am pissed off with you. and you know exactly why. there goes our friendship. our best-friendship of what, 5 years?

i was stupid and insane before.

and i think i kinda woke up recently.

-----

BAYBEATS was funnnn. okay, again, not really. =.= and it's not because the atmosphere wasn't great. both the atmosphere and venue were spectacular. the lights and the music and all. barricade did a great job at their performance. they performed, what, 5 songs non-stop? and i think that that enough is a commendable feat. so, bravo. heh. perhaps i was just feeling a little out of sorts because of the earlier irritating text messages, and by the fact that i had a very, very liquid break fast. =/

yeah, i was fungry.

but when i met baby, i didn't feel fungry anymore.

i was just so glad that he was there, because i just wanted to go home. i wanted to escape from all that was happening. maybe the kecoh-ness of everything just made me feel sick. and he knew me well enough to know that i really didn't want to be there. (: thanks, baby.

slept throughout the train ride home.

i like how the silence between us tell so much. i like how we stop in the middle of everything and entwine our bodies. i like the way you look me in the eyes. i like the way you catch me looking at you. i like the way you hold my hands tightly. i like the way you act like i'm already yours. i like the way you smile and laugh. i like the way you care for me.

i don't know what's happening. i don't know how these words will affect the rest. i don't even know if i should be saying all this here. but one thing that i do know?

i am falling for you. (:

perhaps you'll be the one to show me that love isn't all that evil? ;)

goodnight lovelies.

i thought and wondered at 11:52 AM

"gossip girls "

could somebody buy me seasons 1, 2 and 3 of gossip girl?

thanks. (:

i thought and wondered at 5:25 AM

Thursday, August 27, 2009

"almost lover "

almost lover

your fingertips across my skin
the palm trees swaying in the wind
images
you sang me spanish lullabies
the sweetest sadness in your eyes
clever trick

well, i never want to see you unhappy
i thought you'd want the same for me

goodbye, my almost lover
goodbye, my hopeless dream
i'm trying not to think about you
can't you just let me be?
so long, my luckless romance
my back is turned on you
should've known you'd bring me heartache
almost lovers always do

we walked along a crowded street
you took my hand and danced with me
images
and when you left, you kissed my lips
you told me you would never, never forget
these images

no..

well, i'd never want to see you unhappy
i thought you'd want the same for me

goodbye, my almost lover
goodbye, my hopeless dream
i'm trying not to think about you
can't you just let me be?
so long, my luckless romance
my back is turned on you
should've known you'd bring me heartache
almost lovers always do

i cannot go to the ocean
i cannot drive the streets at night
i cannot wake up in the morning
without you on my mind
so you're gone and i'm haunted
and i bet you are just fine
did i make it that
easy to walk right in and out
of my life?

goodbye, my almost lover
goodbye, my hopeless dream
i'm trying not to think about you
can't you just let me be?
so long, my luckless romance
my back is turned on you
should've known you'd bring me heartache
almost lovers always do

- a fine frenzy

-----

baby, you know this is for you.

"when you find you

come back to me"

crazy to realise that you're all i'm thinking of.

i thought and wondered at 7:48 PM

"revlon 006 "

i hate you because you do the silliest things that me go: "bitch! why the fuck did you do that for?!"

and just when i thought we had bonding time yesterday.

p/s: i want my eneloop battery charger NOW. :(

i thought and wondered at 6:38 PM

"the orphan "

i had a great evening out after my last paper yesterday.

thanks. (:

catched "the orphan", and i swear i thought it was a horror movie. a lot of suspense created with many letdowns. heh. oh wells. at least i was warm the whole movie. (:

"you make it hard to be faithful

with the lips of an angel.."

p/s: the previous entry goes out to nobody in particular, seriously. i just don't like it when the boys take such an approach on girls. sorry if it offended anybody.

i thought and wondered at 1:12 AM

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

"you should know "

you know how a 5-star hotel like ______________ (i do not want to get sued) gets compared to a cheap lowly hotel like _________ (i still do not want to get sued) because the type of guests that they take in are very.. *insert cricket sound here*?

like how a high-class, expensive condominium's reputation gets tarnished if makciks and nyonyas hang their clothes to dry outdoors, parading multi-coloured flags as they do so?

sigh.

i'm not getting anywhere, am i?

basically, in the cruel evil social life that we live in (or some refer to life as a "game we play"), looks matter. it doesn't always matter how smart you are. it doesn't matter how creative you are. it doesn't matter how hardworking you are. it doesn't matter how well you can sing/act/dance. well, the above mentioned theory applies here. (but i won't say how. use your own damn fucking brain, dammit.) because in the end, what matters is how you look and how well you can be packaged - to be sold.

and right now?

the package that you're offering, isn't attractive, at all.

so could you please:

1) primp yourself up,

2) get a job (boys who are cashless are really, really unattractive to me right now. especially since i'm not. oh, don't get me wrong, i respect the fact that you're broke. i just don't get why you don't do anything about it and STILL expect money from your parents at such a mature age. heh, no offence.),

3) get a vehicle (especially if you stay 2139084284 miles away from me. absence does not make the heart grow fonder. ugh. whoever thought of that statement is cheap.),

4) wear different clothes (=.=),

5) smell nicer, and

6) involve yourself in debates or something - so we actually have something to talk about.

and excuse me while i stay out of love as i'm trying to lose the flabs and find myself again. (:

again i repeat, don't say you love me when you don't even know me. and no, i will not allow you "to get to know me" through illogical chatting. an extract of such a conversation would be:

you: hey. so what's your name?

me: umm. it's the heading of my profile, you know.

you: oh. yeah. i'm *************.

me: i'm not illiterate. (:

you: what's that?

me: nvm.

you: so what school are you in?

me: nyp. it's in my profile.

you: i see. taking what course?

=.=

WHAT THE FUCK.

iunno about other girls, but i seriously find this irritating because it's just dumb. dammit bitch, i put my information up on my profile for you to read it and not ask me about it. i mean, unless you ask reference questions such as: "so what type of dance do you like?" =.=

and just because i accepted your friend request, doesn't mean we're going to get into a relationship, get married and go to venice overnight. no, it doesn't. =.= it's impossible for you to say that you love me, or you're "starting to fall for me". that's not what love is about, in case you haven't noticed. fuck it, you don't even know the size of my feet.

do your research.

research helps. (:

sorry for the feisty entry. i'm just really irritated right now. especially because i'm not in the mood for anything right now. blueargh.

whooh.

holidays, here i come. (:

p/s: oh. i will never, ever, ever like you if you think i'm full of flaws. no matter how my flaws make you love me. (: i can't love you if you don't make me love myself. thankyou.

p/s 2: sorry for the entry. i couldn't help it. *shrugs*

i thought and wondered at 11:32 PM

"summary "

SUMMARY!

saturday 22/8/2009:

- i fell on the stairs of 911 and an auntie went: "AIYAAA!" lol.

- camwhored with ida love. pictures up on facebook.

- i think i'm falling in love, again. (keyword: think)

- drama with sister-love. T_T

sunday 23/8/2009:

- googled "merokok makruh time puasa"

- rp study date with julie, azri and affie.

- created a tagged account. =.=

- mini-drama-screening with the boy. (:

- aziz changed his name to haris. o.O

monday 24/8/2009:

- test went okay. *cross fingers*

- got screened, again.

- best after-school-day-out with mary and doreen at j8.

- you make my heart beat faster.

- falling harder. (and faster.)

tuesday 25/8/2009:

- and you have to steer me off-course again.

- addicted to jam legend.

- randomly wants to get married to a rockstar. (:

- restless and emo.

- didn't get any studying done. the whole day.

wednesday 26/8/2009:

- last day of paper.

- will update an important post soon.

- life seems so bleak right now.

- holidays officially start NOW. :D

p/s: no, you have no right to slap me. hahs!

i thought and wondered at 3:34 PM

Saturday, August 22, 2009

"HI-ATUS! "

hello.

ON HIATUS TIL WEDNESDAY, 26TH AUGUST 2009, 2PM.

if i blog anytime from now til then, you have every right to slap me. (:

hah!

goodnight world.

i thought and wondered at 12:48 AM

Friday, August 21, 2009

" "

i need to study. i want to study.

i need to study. i want to study!!!!!

fuck lah.

i'm so dead, i'm fucking dead. i'm practically underground as i type this. screw the internet. screw it cause i always receive emails regarding important matters (aka: facebook notices, apple updates and hot sexy emails) and i always get distracted.

FUCK SHIT FUCK.

and arifin goes:

arifiη. says: (11:00:51 PM)

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

arifiη. says: (11:00:56 PM)

scold all you want now.

arifiη. says: (11:00:58 PM)

besok cannot.

arifiη. says: (11:01:02 PM)

sial betul.

from that extract of msn conversation between me and arifin, we know that arifin can type really fast, and also that what he said actually made sense, cause it's pretty true. since tomorrow is the first day of ramadhan. crapppppppp? i'm going to be studying on an empty stomach. who the hell studies on an empty stomach?! T_T

and perhaps through all my swearings, ya'll going: "rather than blogging, you could actually start on revision, you know."

WELL FUCK YOU.

I AM EASILY DISTRACTED.

deal with it.

hahahahaha.

okay bye.

p/s: farmville is fucking fun okay? only my fellow farmers will understand the satisfaction you get from all the harvesting. hah!

i thought and wondered at 11:02 PM

"ymer "

it's not just about the tp.

it's not.

turn around

is it me or did we agree to love
tell me why i don't feel we got enough
it's you but what about me
it seems like you live a life without me
everything seems to have your time but us
my space in your heart is closing up
and the place where you picture's hanging

is the only time that you with me

don't leave me out here all alone (oh nooo)
i'm still right here where'd you go

look around don't you feel something missing
i'm the one you promised you would love
but you got ahead so far away

while i'm holding on please turn around
i see you but i don’t feel you
can't get your attention to save my love
look back and see me now

don’t let me down please turn around

i think i musta gave too much
cause i felt that the rope was getting rough
suddenly i felt lonely out here
i look beside me to find you not there
said you would love and protect me
all i have are the words you left me
here i stand with the plans in my head
this can't be the kinda love that you said

don't leave me out here all alone (no, no, no, no)
i'm still right here where'd you go

look around don't you feel something missing
i’m the one you promised you would love
but you got ahead so far away

while i'm holding on please turn around
i see you but i don't feel you
can’t get your attention to save my love (my love)
look back and see me now

don’t let me down please turn around

if you only see the tears that i'm crying on my pillow
that doesn't compare to what your doing to my soul
don't you even know that i'm in need of love
i'm calling you but you don’t seem to hear a thing
i'm losing you now

please just look around
don't you feel something missing
i'm the one you promised you would love
but you got ahead so far away while
i'm holding on please turn around
i see you but i don't feel you
can't get your attention to save my love
look back and see me now
don't let me down please turn around

- samantha jade

now now, all of us know that redheads are the evil ones.. heh.

p/s: i don't care if you're afraid of losing me again. i don't care if you know you can be the best for me. because the last thing i need right now is another relationship. and i've got to think of myself. please?

i thought and wondered at 1:13 AM

Thursday, August 20, 2009

"busted giler babs. "

11.10pm: busted.

i thought and wondered at 11:20 PM

"fab four "

amazing how just a few hours with my girls can make me so happy. (:

yes mairah, i'm glad i didn't go home. haha!

i hate being alone.

i cannot express that anymore clearly.

met up with hidayah, haiza, rifhan, marinah and shadrina for a quick dinner at banquet just now. it was fucking funny, cause all of us were super hungry, but fucking broke. we had to share one roti john. yes, all 6 of us shared ONE roti john. :(

but i missed all of them so much.

and it was hilarious, so... heh. (:

after our pathetic dinner, haiza, hidayah and i walked towards riverside, where we met maisurah. and the fab four (as quoted by khairul) was complete. :D so this is what we were up to. enjoy watching. (:

below are the pictures before maisurah arrived:

how? still want our numbers or not? hahahaa!

i swear, haiza wasn't beside me when we took the above picture. gasp.

i love them so, not even the fact that we're not in the same school can break us apart. ;)

goodnight world!

p/s: yes, i AM a happy girl! whooh!

Labels: photos, videos

i thought and wondered at 9:23 PM

"m2m "

don't say you love me; you don't even know me. (:

you can't claim what you don't own.

thanks.

i thought and wondered at 2:53 AM

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

"modelesque "

dan my man helped me edit vegas out of the picture that i like oh-so-much. his legs are still visible though. haaaaah!

sidetrack:

yesterday rocketmanzero (also known as syafiq masod) was so high, that he kept saying: "rocketmanzero dah naik rocket!"

LOL.

tektonik workout with julie jeff was fun.

shut up. it really was fun. :D

i have the "pleasure" of choosing between class outing or a whole day study event tomorrow. or the one-to-one outing with doreen-love. or to collect my cell. sigh sigh. so many choices, only one to choose. T_T

maybe i'll mix-and-match.

the way i always do. ;)

toodles!

i thought and wondered at 10:57 PM

"sheesha pictures! :D (and sex) "

thanks: mard, vegas, syafiq, syarif, yazid, wan and aidil. for the wonderful evening out. here are the pictures that i'm willing to post. haha. the rest can be found at syafiq-baby's blogpost's link. :D

and they said i look like a chinese. T_T

vegas will probably kill me, but, YIN AND YANG! whoooh. :P

i absolutely L-O-V-E this picture of me. ^^

guess where he's born? hahahaaha. (okay, lame.)

why is vegas alwayyyyyys in my pictures? tsk. hahaha!

it was supposed to be a smoke-war. =.=

was i....... pouting?! the fuck.

sweet gambar #1. (failed attempt)

sweet gambar #2. (successful attempt)

sweet gambar #3? (i like this one the most cause i look nice! hah!)

again, YIN AND YANG!! hahahahaa. okay, i'll stop it. :P

cool right?! yazid-boy made it. heh.

i like this one! i look so model-ly! hahaa! ^^ and again, vegas had to be in it. =.=

hate the expression, love the eyes. ;P

love the hair. x)

syafiq will definitely have a future in photography. (:

mat-reps gone.. fierce(?)..?

mard = hot. sha = vogue, baby. lol.

bang bang. i shot wan down.

don't ask me what's up with the hand gesture. it was impromptu. really.

kawan tak gune! hahahaa! xP

-----

i can't wait for raya so we can all go out together once more. this time round, collecting money. hah! let's hope for the best for all our exams, including our jc peeps who couldn't make it to our impromptu fun-filled gathering due to time constraint.

it's okay it's alright.

all of us shall fight fight fight! :D

on a "only-i-will-understand-kind-of-note":

you're just pulling me into the devil's lair. aren't you? you're toying with my mind, making sure i fall to my knees, legs weak and shaky. you're just waiting to be the person who looks me in the eye and helps me out of the damage you've put me through. isn't it? well, well. so the two egos meet. and believe me, i am tempted to know more about you. really. (:

you know how sometimes (key word: sometimes) things that make you happy are the things that involves the most risk? like, being on a rollercoaster, or having an affair. it's usually those activities that get your adrenaline rushing like WHooOHOOOooohHOOOoooohH that make you happy. right now though, even as i'm getting adrenaline rush at a maximum high.. i still feel numb. and i wonder why.

"if apples don't make you happy, go for oranges." (:

goodbye darlings.

p/s: don't tempt me, please. don't. but baby, you know i'd like it if you do.. heh.

i thought and wondered at 2:01 PM