school was so
mundane today.
loads of things to do tonight.
again, if it's urgent, just call me.
i've been so busy, i haven't even been able to call walid back.
what kind of fucked up daughter am i?
can we all please just piece everything back together, the way it was supposed to be? i miss all of you so much. i wish she hadn't happen. i wish he hadn't happen. i wish we could all sit down for a dinner for once. because the last memory i have of a dinner together was when i was still dependent on diapers and milk bottles. chocolate milk, to be precise. :( and i don't even know if that really happened, or if i dreamed it when i was still young enough to dream happy dreams.
i miss the non-existent squabbles. i miss you coming home, to give her a kiss. i miss you sending me out to class. i miss sleeping in the living room, us one big family. i miss all the scary ghost stories behind our house. i miss all of that.
no matter how much it hurt sometimes, i miss my childhood so much.
did you know?
amidst all this craps, i'm still trying to be as strong as i can be. for you, for her, and for all of us. because i know that if i lose myself right now, it'll hurt you. it'll hurt you so badly that you wouldn't be able to survive. and me, being this strong for you. can't you see it? don't you feel it? i love you so much. that no words can express it. no words..
sigh.
and baby..? i miss you and i need you so fucking much. i don't even know where to start. :(
p/s: i miss you darling.. more than you can imagine..
