i'm getting my just desserts.

karma's getting its way back at me.

peach never tasted soooo damnnnn goooood.

i've finally reached the end point of my transition. i think this is it. the way i got hurt yesterday, is probably how others are getting hurt by me out there. how many others? i honestly don't even know. and i used to not even care. but after a particular person made me cry, i think i've gotten in touch with my emotional and compassionate side again, and realised, like, truly realised, that the bad-shareefah should just end her life. (not literally, of course.)

i decided today, that imma stop it with all. all except one. and if you're not the one whose text messages i'm replying, you know you're not the one. and even if i do reply your text messages, we both know that it's only because i don't want to end our friendship. you'll know.

anyway, in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere...

#1 - i am materialistic. and that's probably why he was so perfect for me. he showered gifts on me 24-7. and i used to give him loads of gifts too. not that i'm all about gifts and all, but knowing that i am special enough to be given gifts is sweet. it's just me.

#2 - i trust easily. and that's probably why i let people into my life so god damned easily. i usually start by giving a person 90% trust at the beginning of our acquaintance, even if i don't know you that well. the percentage eventually decreases/increases thereafter, depending on your actions.

#3 - i don't forgive easily. so if you let me down, for example make me angry, sad or disappointed, i usually keep it buried in my heart. sometimes it takes little things to appease me and make me genuinely forgive you. but other times i remember things, even if i forgive you. and i will use that hate against you if needed.

#4 - i am revengeful. so much so that, sometimes, i am karma's best friend.

#5 - i prefer phonecalls. hands down, when i'm not in the middle of something (e.g.: making kuih raya or bathing), of course. because it feels more personal to me. and i'll get to hear emotions in the tone of your voice. instead of the monotonous silence of words in a text message.

#6 - i wish on stars. yes, normal brightly shining stationery stars, and not shooting stars. because somebody once told me that wishing on stars help make your wishes come true. wishing on candles(?!) on your birthday is dumb. i'll get myself a baby-pink-star-shaped birthday cake next year without candles. hahaa!

#7 - i'm afraid of heights. in primary 3, when i went to that iunno-what-it's-called theme park at malaysia, i was afraid to even get on the bridge because it was so fucking high. and my legs were trembling. non-stop. oh, and i always skipped the "high-elements" stations during any sort of camp. that's how much i'm afraid of heights. :(

#8 - i'm not okay a.t.m. i hate it how you people try to make things perfect when everybody knows that we aren't. i need sleep tonight because i am working full-shift tomorrow, and none of you seem to care. yeah, i haven't been the best sister or daughter because i've been staying out late and all. but there's no need to throw the sarcasms at me free-flow. if you all want me to leave, i will. i'm still young, yes. but i'm old enough to know that if you don't like me, i'll leave. the way i did before.

oh and for the love of God, i hate it when people ask me if i'm okay via text messages. it's insulting. again, that's why i've always preferred phonecalls. (:

i scalded my fingers.

fucking ouch.

i will not think about anything while working tomorrow.

i want to get out.

p/s: i was disappointed yesterday, when we talked about sugar-daddies and stuff. not because you aren't willing to be my very own sugar-daddy, but because you thought i wanted you to become something as insignificant as a sugar-daddy in my life. you're more than that to me.