this game of being loved, wanted, and missed. it's a hard game to play. i know i haven't been one of the best girls in the world. i've taken advantage of many things in my life. the love that somebody places in me; i've taken advantage of that way too many times.

now that a person is willing to put everything to a stop for me. change himself for me. that's when i realise, i've been doing this way too many times. giving people false hopes and then moving along with the snap of my fingers. (not literally though, i can't snap my fingers.) but still. it's as though iun even deserve being loved at all.

- continued -

but now that i finally do want to take the final step. and settle down, iunno who to settle down with, and if i can cope with the change.

the 2 year relationship with sap that ended pretty badly taught me a lot. one, that it's not impossible to have a boyfriend who's from a different school, or from a different background from you. two, that meeting up every single day may not necessarily be the healthiest thing to do, especially because the person you love can get addictive. three, you will always have to talk things out when you feel that something is wrong, no matter how serious or not the matter is. and four, i know it sounds cliche, but you really must learn how to prioritize your time. as in, balance it out with friends and all. really, really.

maybe i've forgotten how it's like being in a relationship. and like my bestfriend who's recently got attached after a long relationship hiatus, maybe i'm not prepared for a big change like that. and that's all the more reason why i have to take things slow.

but the shitty fact is, move slow, and i might lose the feeling. move too fast, it might end up disastrously. so tell me, which should i do now? when everything is being thrown at you at once, how do you make the decision that would affect many others? most of which are negatively?

discussion and thoughts set aside, i can't wait for this sunday!

really, really, really!

okay, crap. shariff's ica in approximately 30 minutes.

wish me luck!