iunno what happened to me yesterday. iunno if that was just a random mood swing, or if it was pms. iunno if it'll happen again. but what i do know, is that relationships with me aren't easy. they never will be. our relationship will be so tumultuous that you'll experience events that can make you feel super happy, and make you feel the lowest in point ever.

that aside.

i've always been sure of liking you.

of loving you.

but i guess, we both weren't sure of you liking me.

of loving me.

of being with me.

i want us to work, without lies.

i want us to work, without doing any wrong.

that's what's messing with my mind. i never was the one who could keep secrets if they made me feel as wrong as fuck. i'd never be able to keep it a secret if i felt i was doing wrong to another person. and we both know we've been lying to a particular person.

has been rejecting the fact that something so nice and special and perfect has to lie. it has to lie just so that it can continue. why do we have to lie?

as i was crying last night, i rocked myself back and forth. it's been ages since i did that. i din even do that when the 25-year-old douche left. the last time i did so was when sap walked right out of my life. and i cried even harder after realising this fact last night. because i was crying my hearts out, and i knew it wouldn't change anything.

i'm regretting what i did last night. i miss you so fucking much that i'd hug you and i wouldn't let go. really, i wouldn't. i'd kiss every part of your face and tuck your head safely on my shoulder. i'd stroke your face with my fingers cause i know you like me doing so. this bond that we've already initiated. i guess it's true, it's fast-moving; volatile. oh God. i'm going to shut up now. i think i'm making things worse, again.

work until 11pm. i'm dreading the journey to work and the journey back home alone. i guess i deserve this, now, don't i?

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if you don't text me by 11pm, i'll understand.

have a nice day. (: