i really don't know what you want from me anymore.
iunno how much i should give.
iunno how i should give everything to you.
iunno anything anymore.
it seems like i'm holding on to something that's thinning. something that's not even there. like, i'm just all by myself. thinking that i've everybody around me when i don't.
my friends?
no, none of them even bothered asking anything. yeah, that sucked.
loved ones?
no, they didn't even remember.
you know honestly, i feel like stopping everything and just being a bitch. because everybody around me is bringing me down so badly, that i just feel like being an anti-social bitch from now on. but we all know that's impossible, now, don't we?
i'm just sick of holding up pretences.
sick of faking a smile just so that "i don't bring the mood down".
why am i putting every small bit of effort into making sure that you're not sad, while i end up getting hurt the most? the fucked up thing is that you don't even acknowledge the effort i put in. it seems the more i try, the more it isn't enough. like, it's a vicious cycle that'll end up eating me inside out.
til when is enough, enough?
even tears don't mean anything now. even the dark eye circles don't mean a thing now. even staying up crying don't mean anything now. even cutting myself won't mean a single fuck. because nobody even cares. this world is filled with fucked up polluted-minded beings who only care the fuck about themselves.
and the ones who try changing this fact die anyway.
without making a single change.
this entry doesn't go out to anybody. well, unless you feel something from it. then yeah, it's for you. but until then, it's mindless ramblings that none of you should care about. i mean, since when did YOU care about me anyway, right? why start now? (:
new moon in approximately 15 minutes with memel.
yayness.
bye.
