the 30-day writing challenge didn't mention a "girlfriend/boyfriend" letter-day. so i was wondering if i could consider you a crush instead. perhaps in a way, you are a crush. only because you have not the slightest idea how strong my feelings for you are. it's almost like i haven't even told you that i like you. or that i find you attractive. or that i find you special. no, it's almost as if these past 5 years din even exist.

sometimes i find that you know me the best, and other times i find that you know so little about me that it breaks a teeny weeny part of my heart every time you get things wrong. like my favourite drink depending on my mood, or favourite lepak place depending on where we are. you know, small stupid stuff like that. i was however, delighted when you bought me the type of chicken rice i preferred on wednesday. you however, got the buying movie-ticket-part wrong. haha. (yes, i wanted to watch a chick-flick, but i wanted to watch TS3 too. because you wanted to.)

i love a lot of things about you, dear crush. you have no idea how many times i stay up just thinking about the two of us living happily together. about how we've been from the start til present. but really, our fights can get pretty nasty, ey? hahah. i should know. i've had 5 years of it. i always blame you for being unsweet, for being mean and for being inconsiderate. but deep down in my heart i know you're none of that. the only reason why you're special is because you choose how to act at different moments.. and i find that a really, really attractive attribute. heh.

yeah, it pisses me off 99.9% of the time, but it's what keeps things real. you're not like any of them who try to please me all the time. that would make an effortless relationship, if a guy gave in to me every single time and all. but i gave up expecting that from any guy. and why would i expect it when i realise i'm loving you for this very attribute?

our road may be tumultuous, it may even be impossible. but if or when we make it to the end, i want to write another letter to you. and at that time, you won't just be my crush. (:

love,

sharifah.

p/s: pictures from the 1st january 2010. nobody knows how much i missed us then. nobody.